The Process | Su 12/4

Woke up in time for the sunrise to take a walk like I planned, but I felt terrible so I postponed the walk to Friday morning. Hopefully the trees stay pretty until then, but I'm not getting my hopes up with how warm the weather has gotten in the past week.

I woke up again at 12:30 and did chores for a while. The new robot vacuum I got came in so I messed around with it too. Even though it's nothing compared to what the best can do nowadays, it's so convenient having it clean on a routine and return to the charger.

I also contemplated a DIY haircut, took the plunge in my bathroom, and the clippers broke a few minutes in. Thankfully I wasn't cutting much and had the 8 guard on, but it was still disappointing after so much deliberation and nerves. I check what broke and it was just a small piece of plastic inside of the head of the trimmer. Looking the model number of the trimmer up, a replacement assembly is only $16, but I'm tempted to go for a proper set of clippers instead of this hand-me-down beard trimmer set Kerry never used. It's like double the price, but I think the allure of easier haircuts for a hairstyle that I don't see myself deviating from for a while is so tempting.

By then I had to leave to pick up Eric for volleyball with the DIVA candidates and of course we talked about the game on the way there. He's been encouraging me to work on my passing to become a well-rounded player and surprised me when he expressed intent to do the same. He told me that tonight he wanted to try playing libero since he hasn't had to pass or dig for a while as a setter, which makes sense and was encouraging to hear.

The games were fun, mostly because we were all hungry to improve, but some moments felt awkward as we tried to get used to 5-1. I'm glad I got to play opposite since I could receive serves and play back row, but it opened up the space to make a lot more mistakes than when I was middle, which led to a lot of frustration. Throughout the night I messed up a lot of serve receptions, got my hands on a few digs but they were all unplayable, and even had some campfires which made me throw a fit.

That last part was especially embarrassing, but I found my mental game in shambles throughout the night. Eric and Savannah got several tools and tips on me each and I felt useless as a blocker since them scoring on me felt like my fault. Even thought Eric and I talked about mental fortitude and not always blaming yourself on the drive there, I found myself unable to completely focus or reset.

I was happy to get several D ball sets from Sierra, I had some decent hits, and after we ended I even got a few jump serves in the court, so it wasn't all bad. I didn't enjoy the higher stakes and room for unhealthy sweatiness during the night, but I guess that's the price you pay for being so invested into the game and trying to improve. There isn't a way to skip making mistakes and putting reps in, but the process doesn't feel very good in the moment.

Afterwards Eric wanted to go to Sonic for drinks and we continued to talk about volleyball on the drive back. He made me excited about the prospect of doing drills to get reps in just like we see Erik Shoji do in videos. I'm glad I had the chance to play and had a lot of fun at times, but more than the mistakes themselves I was most disappointed and embarrassed with how frustrated I got with myself during the night. I guess I realized that the game doesn't always love me back, which kind of sounds like a toxic relationship, but I'm still down bad and will always come back for more.