Cabin Fever | Tu 2/21

I woke up in time for an all hands meeting where Mila told everyone, among other things, that the Runtime Engineering team's attendance was 29%. I think everyone hates the return to office, but I didn't think the number would be so low even with the boost from this month. Mila also confirmed that 50% will also be acceptable, but added that we may start coming in on Mondays or Fridays to curb the desk crisis instead of finding somewhere to move.

The rest of the day was a blur. I slipped into the office, commented on an incomplete story to try dodging responsibility since it's being pushed back for the next sprint, and looked at resources for Java 8 to try actually learning. I think I've been intimidated for too long and have enjoyed dipping my toes in with youtube tutorials.

Eventually I had to leave for a dentist appointment, which was oddly nice. I think I may have gotten my teeth cleaned by the same hygienist for a while, at least the past year or so, because she recognized me and was chatty. She asked me about my hair and if it's natural since it's so different from hers (wavy, lots), and agrees that most people just want to have their hair different from natural to mix it up.

The whole chat was wonderful, but it reminded me of chatting with my hairstylist before I made friends. I feel like being at mom's house changes me even now. I don't interact with people or do anything but occasionally lift, and I feel like I'm losing my mind here. Even driving in the suburbs was terrible, having to pass through school zones and stoplights is surprisingly taxing on the brain and mood. Maybe I can try to get my alone time out while here, things like errands or lifting, and go harder to socialize when I'm back home.

After I came home I chilled and ended up napping on the couch for several hours. Then I ate dinner and began chilling again. Mom thought I retired from volleyball, which was very annoying to hear like it is every time, but it got me to look at videos and drills. Most of the at home drills seem to be for hypertrophy training, so I'm not sure how helpful they'll be to me and may just film myself passing and setting to myself.

It was heartbreaking seeing the volleyball videos but being unable to play. It reminds me of how watching porn is a hollow replacement for sex. The situation reminded me of the DIVA schedule and got me frustrated. Nowadays my volleyball playtime is concentrated at the end of the week, but I think it'd be nicer to have it spread out more evenly like if I was in a lower division. Now that I think about it though, my in-office schedule would make it hard to play, but I may just put up with the increased driving if I had the choice.

Eventually I chilled on the bed instead of sleeping, even though it was late, and knocked out before even writing this journal. Now I woke up at 5 AM after a strange dream with Rachel moving into a hotel. Hopefully I can still get some sleep, but I need to shower and stuff in the morning. I also think I may go to a barber after work tomorrow to have the dyed sides trimmed since it may not end well if I try it myself.

Eventually I woke up in the middle of the night, washed up, then went back to bed.