Fun's Over | Mo 10/31

Woke up early for breakfast buffet and work. Phoned it in completely throughout the day while packing in the morning and eventually at Sammy's house. Gigi, May, and Daniela went to some aesthetic food hall and photo area in the city, Post, while I stayed at Sammy's. Her house is very well furnished and looks lived-in with all the souvenirs and trinkets around.

Eventually we laid in her bed together and started cuddling, which was nice. Later she made me lunch and I got to chat with her mother about UIUC, which was also fun. Eventually a few of her classmates came to study together, so I was mostly staring at Zoom being lost. Thankfully the team seemed to share that sentiment.

Eventually I had to leave since it didn't make sense to bring Gigi back to Sammy's for dinner, and we took forever to say goodbye. We hugged for a while, made promises about Slander and LAN, she gave me leftover alcohol, and kissed me on her porch in the moment (after asking if she could do something stupid).

Went to see Post quickly but now at Thai Cafe (which was not especially expensive, nice service, and strange interior contrast from the restaurant and the bathrooms) with Gigi and I'm spilling the situation and how I feel. I started out being friendly and wanting to provide because Sammy asked, and at first I didn't think anything if it and was only having fun, but she seemed to fall for me and I guess I sort of did enable Sammy by leaning into it even when I wasn't sure what I was feeling. Now it's sort of blown up and I'm scared I need to break her heart.

Gigi said she's like Nivva, I'm like Jinn, and Samantha is like past me. She said that both May and Daniela were concerned about her behavior and disdain for Gigi, which was a surprise. I did see that Sammy didn't show any issue with Daniela even when she went off on the girl around Gary and his friends though. Apparently Daniela also commented that she got a good vibe from the group other than Sammy and thinks that the only one who may break up the group is her. This is informative and helps me to see some potential problems even if I actually do like Sammy.

On the drive home. Using cruise control since like halfway.

• I don't want Jinn Sammy (talk about our business with a bunch of others--kind of like I did with Jasmine, be vague and take a while to say something)
• I may want a herpes test since she kissed me and I just remembered she shared about contracting it
• Herpes may be a way out of the situation
• I'm the guy who Sammy basically cheated with instead of taking care of her little and glittle
• Nivva shouldn't have brought up my situation with Jinn at the party and definitely should've spoken with me about it before she talked to Jinn
• The highs and lows seem to get more extreme with each girl and I want to retire at least until I figure this out in therapy
• I kind of just love the attention and have some kind of savior complex wanting to be useful and provide
• I should start thinking about the consequences before just having fun with anyone
• I should probably stop doing the 👉👈 thing
• I may nuke both blogs since this tea is getting very juicy

4 big points to talk about soon:

• I don't feel good about being someone she basically cheated on her bf with
• I'm going to need time to think over my feelings since a lot happened spur of the moment quickly
• I feel bad for giving her expectations by being reckless and just trying to have fun
• I would've appreciated a reminder that she has herpes before being kissed

I came home to unpack and get the macbook but I can't even admire it there's so much other stuff going on. Gigi and I also joked that it's very "protagonist" to get herpes from your first kiss.