Today*, I wrote out what intellectual will meant to me. I already had a definition that I wrote, but it needed to be revised. As I was reflecting on the definition, I realized that I needed to think back to the circumstances that I was under that made me make major changes in my life.
The intellectual will is a result of my perseverance. My adaptation. My survival.
I struggled during my PhD program and slipped into depression. I am a giver who likes structure and external deadlines. I spent a lot of time helping other people and not doing my own work. I was in an environment that had no structure and I hated it. I had people in positions of power telling me that I wouldn’t graduate and I wasn’t PhD material. That line will stick with me for life. Afterwards, I slipped into a spiral that took months to unravel.
When I felt most alone and confused, I turned to my journal. Then I turned to books. Then I tapped into my desire to figure things out. Eventually, I organized my way out of confusion. I learned about myself.
Even though perseverance and adaptation in the midst of uncertainty are the seeds of which the intellectual will grew; I’m having trouble distilling the definition into one sentence. Is the intellectual will a method, a character trait, or a document? My original definition has it as all three, but I feel it should be something simple that people can easily share.
Goals for tomorrow
- Read old journal entries and take notes
- Revise intellectual will definition
- Write Listed update
*note, I’m writing this at 11:08pm 8/4 on my phone. I couldn’t figure out how to share the post from the mobile app (I usually share from my laptop).