Just took a bubble bath for the first time in a year. Strange how the time flies way faster on adderall and antidepressants to the point where I don't really want a bath. Guess that's what the meds are for anyways, succumbing to the constant turning of the world. They're doing the trick though, I'm happier, more coherent. I don't think I could function without them, just how I was born. Something about genetics, I can't focus, can't put my thoughts in order, keep circling and circling and circling as if every thought is the same but new to me. So meds.
I restrung my guitars today, and got whiskey from the liquor store to enjoy with my fam. And myself I guess. I haven't played my guitars though, I should learn new songs on electric. Maybe try to do a new one every day. I guess I've stopped the no talking thing, so maybe that's the next step? A new song from an artist every day? Hmmmm… it'll really get me out of my uncreative hiatus. Emily told me it's a muscle I have to push on, I have to work for it. That's what it is for being an adult, earing a living, working. The meaning goes away, it's old, it's too impractical, it's less productive. No, I have to push against my compass, make the world what I want it to be regardless of my inner thoughts. The pressure. Fighting against the grain, making it against my brain. Yeah.
Maybe I should work on my 40forty page project. I want to add more things, just to see if I can...