June 3, 2022•271 words
I will, I now understand, always love you. I tried hard to hold on to that love as we broke up, and then much later when it was no longer convenient to love you I realised it wasn't even a choice I had. Whatever I have done, and no matter what you think of me now, please try to remember that there were once parts of me you did not despise, and ways in which we shared happinesses, laughs and joys.
I keep thinking that you've gone from thinking that I'm not even worth the effort to know or care about to just not thinking about me at all. Almost the lady thing you said to me was that you'd never enjoyed things sexually. I remembered at the time that you'd told me how many firsts had been beautiful and caring, and went back to read what you'd written at the time. It was, it's fair to say, quite enthusiastic. I hope you haven't forgotten those things, but I feel history being rewritten. It really wasn't like that, remember that was also the time of the copse and a joyous little shared world.
You also surprised me towards the end by crying and telling me that you're sure that Chris and Jonathan think you're terrible. I know how I have been written about, but I want you to know that I have not and will not disparage you privately or publicly. When I think of you, I think of beauty.
I want you to know, if you ever read this, that I hope you are happy and healthy wherever you are.