Monday, Sunny

I woke up at around 4:30 and did not go back to sleep, but I remained in bed until everyone else woke up, even though I was fully awake with no need to stay asleep. No dreams today.

It's embarrassing to admit how much I'm depending on my mother currently but she's been coercing me out of bed everyday and giving me a mug of Solomon's seal tea and a plate of fruit in the mornings.

Today she also nagged me to go out and take a walk in the morning. She was originally planning to walk with me but it looks like she did not have much time. She told me to dress lightly but actually it was quite windy outside.

I'm glad I don't have to go to the 8am class any longer. I still have to take the other classes starting at 9:30am though. Even though I'm not particularly sad or gloomy, I'm not sure why I'm even taking classes anymore. Education seems so alien now.

I sent a notice to my coworkers at the design firm I was working that I will be leaving this week.

Took the big five test out of curiosity. I'd say it's pretty accurate.

Planted some lettuce seeds on a whim. It's too late to plant pepper and lettuce is not suitable for summer, so hopefully there is enough time to harvest at least twice before it gets too hot.

Attempted to do some jump-roping and had to stop after fifteen minutes because it gave me a stomachache.

It occurred to me that I might have Avoidant Personality Disorder and not so much of social anxiety. When I took the Beck Anxiety Inventory that my psychiatrist gave to me, they said that I have relatively mild symptoms of anxiety, which is strange because I have so much trouble reaching out to others. I did not even know anxiety can lead to panic attacks. This is, of course, just speculation.

I found out after some cursory Googling that personality disorders are notorious to fix moreso than anxiety or depression. However, I cannot imagine treatment differing much if it conventionally consists of medication or cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), just like anxiety or depression.