I haven't written for a while so I should write something. It's been a week since increasing my dose of escitalopram oxalate to 15mg from 10mg. I've experienced dry mouth and eyes again but it is almost gone now. However, I had trouble falling asleep the past two days. Today I only had coffee near noon so I will be confirming if this sleeplessness is due to the larger dose. My counselor connected me with the school's student health center to have a blood work done, and the tests came back norm...

Brief overview of current circumstances: Withdrew from three classes. Now my only classes are a seminar class and a sociology course. Unsure whether I am going to pass the seminar class. Probably going to pass the sociology class. Learning Japanese with some fervor. Feel like I'm getting great progress. Seeing psychologist/counselor weekly and psychiatrist occasionally. Have an appointment lined up for when my time with the school psychologist terminates May be able to see a physician soon to ...

My life currently sucks, so my dream as a (proper) adult is to pick up different kinds of skills and to have a variety of part-time jobs without sticking to just one. It's a bummer that I can't have a job in this country if it has nothing to do with my major. Even though I've been regularly writing to this blog for over two weeks, I'm not sure what the purpose of having a blog (or diary) is. It's hard to see it as a narrative of one's life because it's surely a pain to read one's random musings...

I feel like crap. ...

I woke up at around 4:30 and did not go back to sleep, but I remained in bed until everyone else woke up, even though I was fully awake with no need to stay asleep. No dreams today. It's embarrassing to admit how much I'm depending on my mother currently but she's been coercing me out of bed everyday and giving me a mug of Solomon's seal tea and a plate of fruit in the mornings. Today she also nagged me to go out and take a walk in the morning. She was originally planning to walk with me but i...

Today, having one more nap after waking up, I don't feel as tired as yesterday. During that nap I had a dream about being ostracized from everyone I know and locking myself in my room before waking up. I went out to have a walk with my mom. It was a cloudy and cool day. I don't want to go to classes tomorrow. I don't want to have to worry about applying for housing next semster. I don't want to have to focus on selling myself to get an internship for this summer. I need it, but I don't want to...

Had a gruesome dream that I didn't mind because it was kind of fun. Woke up only to feel like falling asleep again. I forced myself to complete an assignment which if I didn't hand in today, I would fail a class. I had to update my resume and write a cover letter. ...

Talked with the psychiatrist and they told me to start taking upped doses (7.5mg) starting Sunday night. However I did already experience the side effects of taking 7.5mg when I tried for two days so I don't expect them to be significant, so I'll try taking the increased doses starting today. ...

I don't feel like doing anything. I went to sleep early last night because I was sleepy and felt like I would not be productive even if I spend the night awake. Now after waking up, I feel exactly the same way I felt before I went to sleep. I want to go back to sleep again, not because I'm sleepy but because I'm tired. I dread having to do the assignments and meetings I have today. I feel kind of motivated after reviewing my Anki cards adding some good cards into my deck, because I feel like I'...

Got my driver's license today. I finally confirmed with the professor about the class and officially withdrew from the class. Hopefully my advisor won't oppose against my action during my meeting with them tomorrow. Attended group therapy. This week's assignment is to record my feelings throughout this week. The key point is to record feelings (physical sensations that start from a thought), not their associated thoughts (my opinion about something). ...

My counselor cancelled their appointment with me today, but I am sort of relieved because I wasn't sure what I would talk about with them. I finally sent an e-mail to the professor elaborating why I am withdrawing from their Innovation program—because of my mental health problems. I feel tired and I have been yawning all day, but could not take a nap. I'll try taking 5mg doses until I discuss dosage with the school psychiatrist this Friday. ...

I had trouble going to sleep and woke up several times during the night feeling anxious, reflected by an increased heart rate as expected. I gave up sleeping for the rest of the morning and rose early. It's absolutely the worst being this nervous but being unable to sleep it off. The anxiousness is wearing off earlier than I expected, but I still feel incredibly unmotivated. Empty is another good way to describe this. I don't want to do anything. If it were not for assignments due this w...

I was incredibly unmotivated Saturday morning and it continued through today. I have been on 5mg dose of escitalopram oxalate since the side effects from taking 10mg affected me too much when I first took it. However now the 5mg dose does not seem to help me greatly, so I increased this evening's dose by 2.5mg (a quarter tablet). ...

A journal is a good way to track how I'm feeling so here is my first post. I'm notorious for getting rid of my own writing so previous attempts of keeping a diary of any sort has always failed, so I'm hoping that knowing my diary exists somewhere on the Internet will imbue me with a sense of responsibility of continuing to update it. Not that it will appear on any search engines anytime soon since I configured this blog not to appear under the Recent Authors section on Listed.to's homepage, but ...