Daily Entry 10 - Day #4

Hi,
I have decided to unpublish some of my notes. I think the way social media is going is very scary. I have also decided to unpublish some of them because they contain things about my friends and it is really not my place to share them. (on a slightly unrelated note, what I did made me think of After ever Happy - which is a very toxic "love" story out of so many - would not recommend or encourage people to watch unless you are aware of its toxic traits so you don't aspire to a toxic version of love)
I think the more we fill up our lives the more we don't think. Not thinking is a dangerous thing. For many reasons, we don't ever realise beyond the now. I have realised that within myself. I have many thoughts but I don't realise that I have them until I take the time to be. Like I have recently realised why roller skating is so fun and relaxing for me. It is similar to having all the pieces in a puzzle in the right place but not connected or joined together. The picture is there but it is out of reach because not of the pieces are connected.

Today was tiring, I was staring at a screen all day and I have decided to install f.lux after my night light decided not to work. I do think red light is so much better for sleep. Last week was also a weird one, I had the experience of being the younger person giving some basic life advice to an older person and it was so weird. I have fundamentally accepted that life is hard and it is a struggle so I must work through it. It did take me a while and I did just want to be happy but at last life said no and said you will work for this year intensely. However, it is really interesting because I am not burnt out. I have been burnt out a lot last year. I think the reason why is because I am becoming disciplined but I am also working on having more "me" time. This past week, I have worked out, rock climbed , roller skated and done so much. The time I could have been doing work and getting ahead but it was nice to just have fun. Even though I worked all weekend to make up for it.

I have a lot to juggle on my plate (creating a weekly newsletter, job hunting, a 20 page report and a list of videos to help me, answering emails, Christmas and food shopping) and yet ( I know by the grace and strength of God), I am able to do some of it. I am able to step away from my unhealthy comfort patterns (such as dissociating and watching to pretend as if life stops).
I am quite fortunate, I think this and future generation is the same as previous ones. We are all just a great mess of people. They are both good and bad people and each generation we try to raise standards of our generation and each generation we also find ways to worsen our generation.

My health is a lot better and now I am trying to keep it that way. I think at a point, I was idealising never being in pain or sick again. I think health is important but to try and avoid pain and sickness although is impossible. I am still a lot more careful than before as I realised other people are just not careful. I think a combination of medicinal and holistic approaches are good. I am very cautious as there are people I follow who I believe are on crazy side of holistic but still say some good information and people being on the overly medicinal side. I think both sides have good approaches but in the end your body is unique and will react however it wants. I think people don't know their bodies enough. Like being aware of your body e.g. how full you are and how your body reacts to certain food is key.
Anyway, it was nice to write on here again and see what everyone has been posting

• Sapphire