Sapphire

I am really struggling with perfectionism today. I don't want to have the feeling that I have to be perfect but it is hard not to compare when I feel like I fall short. Yesterday I had to learn a dance routine and I kept messing up and I didn't like it. I felt like I was an inconvenience and it crept into my head this morning. That maybe being me was enough and part of me was making the mistakes but I also knew how I felt short of the expectation. I also was writing and realised how short my wri...

So I went back on twitter for a bit but I am going to redelete it. I have a better idea and feeling of why I want to quit and that is going to keep me motivated. I want to quit so that 1) I have more time 2) I have more concrete ideas about things in life 3) So I am more stable and I am not easily swayed by social media and I have foundation/roots. I find it shocking how much you have to scroll though to get some good content. I am still on YouTube mostly I ...

This is the song I am writing the post to: https://open.spotify.com/track/1ZHln0m59fpobHTYMc6Qs4? So today I have been taking it slow. It feels like the first day in a while where I a not rushing. The day is a slow day where I am able to just do small meaningless tasks lool. Doing things like taking care of my skin and making sure I am hydrated and wrapping up presents and having time with my family feels great. I haven't been able to do that in so long. Currently I am on my study break which...

Today I had a really interesting talk with someone I know. We have been talking about multiple things about life and it has been really good. Today we talked about people and dating and attractiveness. Whilst they said some crazy things such as age being a factor in beauty and older women are "ugly", we had a really good chat about media and how some of the love stories are absolutely twisted into making women/girls accept really toxic things. And then by extension, how it plays into real life s...

Red String (cut short) / Red String I didn't need you to stay but God how I wanted you to stay. This is all the things I will or maybe never get to say to you. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for burrowing your way into my everyday. You have taught me so much, I don't think you know You taught me to let people in, to enjoy life vulnerable and freely Because of you, I can try. Try to breathe and live life on the light and fun side. I had hoped our time would have been longer but at ...

Hi, This has been a long week and an even longer day. There have been multiple people from my past that I have seen. All but one said hi to me. I have let bygones be bygones . I am letting go of trying to hold on. I have accepted that I have changed and time has moved on and created distance. I think at times, enough is enough. I have extended my hand and found nothing. I will not extend again. On better news, I have started the gym. I have found a weekly routine of mobility Mondays, full body...

Hi, I have decided to unpublish some of my notes. I think the way social media is going is very scary. I have also decided to unpublish some of them because they contain things about my friends and it is really not my place to share them. (on a slightly unrelated note, what I did made me think of After ever Happy - which is a very toxic "love" story out of so many - would not recommend or encourage people to watch unless you are aware of its toxic traits so you don't aspire to a toxic version...

Chapter 1: https://listed.to/@Sapphire/38358/something-like-a-storm-chapter-1 Chapter 2: https://listed.to/@Sapphire/38359/something-like-a-storm-chapter-2 Chapter 3: https://listed.to/@Sapphire/38360/something-like-a-storm-chapter-3 Chapter 4: https://listed.to/@Sapphire/38361/something-like-a-storm-chapter-4 Chapter 5: https://listed.to/@Sapphire/38362/something-like-a-storm-chapter-5 Rest of it is coming soon! ...

Hi, This is a poem that I wrote a while back and I am uploading it now. I think this poem is an example of how people tend to love these days. T͇h͇e͇ ͇T͇r͇u͇t͇h͇ Well, I guess I am here. I don't know what to say. Are we strangers or at the beginning of friends? I clung onto you like a rope. Fearing for my life. Cause you were my last hope, my last chance my last. You cling to me harder though. I don't know, how. I was your first hope, first good luck Your first true friend. Everythi...

Why was he so angry? This is dumb. I went to my next lesson with Feira. It seems a bit more interesting this time. We recapped one of my favourite topics in astrology - black holes. I loved the mystery surrounding them, especially how we had no idea what the singularity was or how they lead to the idea that the whole world was a hologram. Feira was less intrigued as she preferred biology. This school was deliberately putting easier topics just so we wouldn't feel dumb. That is really frustratin...

Monday came around too soon. The idea of seeing them or being in that school petrified me. My stomach fluttered with fear. Fear of embarrassment, of socialising again. Then, I could be the big brave girl standing up for righteous but their critic of me demolished the fake facade of confidence I had. I felt my brain spiralling out of control into the thoughts. It was shutting me out. I was suddenly aware of everything but I couldn't react. My body was acting on primate and habitual instinct. I be...

Stop! I didn't know where the voice came from but it crashed through my thoughts, shattering everything else. Don't listen to them. You are not weak! I wanted to ignore it argue with it tell it all the ways it was wrong but I couldn't. I didn't want to continue my destructive cycle. I not only wanted but longed for something else. Some peace and quiet. But that can't happen I can't break free. I shut all my thoughts out. I didn't want to dwell on it any longer. "Hey, I am tired from workin...

I don't know how it happened. It seemed like my mind blocked it. It wouldn't be the first time. My parents went ballistic at the event (not unreasonably), forcing me to move schools. I didn't know: how, or where I was going somehow, she came with me. Since that day, we haven't been the closest of friends however growing isolation seems to force us together. The school was shut down, marking an end to the triggers. Most people went to a school 5 mile away. There was still a hundred going to this ...

The embers of my dreams faded away before I reluctantly opened my eyes. My eyes drifted to my clock. The pink numbers told me that it was 6:30. I sighed longing to sleep just a bit more. Slowly the drowsiness disappeared. My mind sharpened and focused. My hair braided in cornrows was starting to get messy. My dark brown oval face started back at me with slightly pronounced eye bags. The school uniform hung up waiting for me. I felt the urge to go on my phone yet, I ignored knowing it would was...

I am going to start uploading my stories here. If you think you can copy these ideas and just claim it you are wrong! Please know these stories are copyrighted and belong to me only! I hope you can enjoy them though! Please note that these stories will get refined overtime and if I do decide to take it in a different direction (due to me being more socially aware or just don't like the ending), I will probably publish a second edition. These stories will be slow to publish and I have a clear vi...

So I subscribe to a news paper summary and today I found out that China has had some serious climate change problems. This summer they have had a super drought which has caused problems with the energy sources. They have been previously using renewable hydropower but now they have had to depend on coal. Whilst this is important because we should all be trying to go to net 0. I am not saying that they shouldn't have used coal. Their country was in a heatwave and people needed to survive but the i...

Today I got up early an went driving. I was nervous but I did it. I went somewhere close and when I was going there, my driving was a bit bad but on the way back, I felt a lot better and slightly calmer. I was still sweating sad face but I think I am getting better and more relaxed. I stalled when reversing an incline an then I remembered I have to put some more gas. I also struggled to reverse out of my home parking spot but it was ok. I just had to wait for a long gap. I have a lot of things t...

I am a little late on the daily entries. I know lol. I have been thinking about content. I saw this IG reel : https://www.instagram.com/reel/ChTF_VojCR1/?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y= And it really got me thinking. I want content that I produce and consume to be of high quality value. Not content that is just put out. I think that idea of content creation and consistency being the name of the game instead of quality has really been pushed on me. I have multiple account where I produce content and I hav...

Today, I feel old or maybe I should have said older. My lower back is stiff and aches. I still long to roller skate but I have responsibilities. I don't hate them but I know I must honour them and complete them to a good standard. I just wonder where I am when I am completing them. What am I to do as I carry out my responsibilities to people? As I take care and guard people close to me, am I too sit here idlily waiting? Part of me knows she is safe but I still wonder if I should be at close re...

So I am having my interview and it is ok. I was nervous for some reason even though it was a telephone. I deleted my crypto money that I earned (it wasn't worth a lot anyway). I don't like crypto. It is very scammy and bad for the environment and most of it doesn't function as a currency which is strange. -Sapphire ...

Hi? This is probably the 100th time I have started a blog. Consistency is not a strong suit of mine. I recently found this site whilst looking for a privacy-based blogging site. I have recently been focused on privacy. I have a lot of stories to upload and I hope you will enjoy it. I hope you stay for the next post -Sapphire ...

This is a poem I created when I was deep in depression due to me being unhappy with my life and me "waking up" to the reality that I was in. It is sad for me to re-read this. I don't know what I do I don't know who I am All I know is I am here Again These late nights are killing me. Surfing the web has truly become exhausting. I am in my late night feeling. All the time. It is funny cause I haven't truly felt anything in a while. I had never deepened what I consumed Now that I do it is It is ...