Week of 13 Feb - Daily Entry 19 - Day #12

This week was a real rollercoaster.
Multiple things happened and I have tried a new format.
It was my first week without therapy and I was scared. I do feel like it felt the start of something new.
I thought a lot about loneliness, love, my relationship with God, technology, doing things I love and stress. My thoughts are below

Loneliness
I started off the week by feeling lonely. Which was quite amusing. My friend is getting married and I am so happy for her. We were close at one point and drifted apart. I still view her as close but It seems like the vice versa is not true. It got me thinking when I get married who would I invite to be my bridesmaid. Would it be right for me to have them? Should I have tried harder to keep them closer? I don't remember if they made an effort? I don't know.
I guess I am scared of ending up older with no friends. Not that I am desperate to have friends but it is because I truly understand and know the power/support of a community and it is something I want to have in the future. I have hope in God that He hears me and will help me.
Coincidently my other friend also had issues with loneliness. I know they have recently lost some of their friends and now they feel very much alone as they spend a lot time alone. I do understand their struggle.it doesn't feel I don't think they have yet truly found their people but I am still here supporting them.

Love
Ironically a friend has maybe been flirting with me. I don't know how to feel about that. I have no attraction to them and so if things come to a head, then I will be clear and gentle. It is interesting thinking about them though cause they do have some really good personality characteristics and I hope it doesn't affect our friendship.
I have also been watching romantic TV shows which somehow take the lust/very sexual aspect from the romance and the vibe is very interesting. I think a lot of Western shows focus on attraction and sexual undertone in the development of the characters' relationships. I think it takes some part away from the organic development of a relationship which is also you getting to know this person and finding their cringe/quirky moments. For me, the best part of hyperreal love on TV shows (yes I am using words to be more✨ fancy✨) is when 2 people are into each other and just absolutely cringy with it/joking around/flirting in a verbal way. This shows has been providing a lot of that so I am currently loving it. I like as well they show the struggle of what it is like trying to communicate with someone who is complicatedly different from you so you initially have communication problems and struggles.

God
I have been getting closer to God and just speaking to Him. It is the first time that I have felt closest to Him in a while. I still need to start reading the Bible more. I have also been trying to trust Him more which I tell you works! And I mean it works because I have not been stressed in a while. Uni has tried but then I remember that I can simply break down the task and not procrastinate more and I have been enjoying the course a lot more because I am engaging. Using music to worship Him has been great as well.

Doing this I love
This week, I played the guitar (I am self learning) and it was amazing. The sun was shining in my face whilst playing and I felt happy and free. I just love learning songs that I have been loving and playing them in a different way. I feel like I should start posting them but I am scared. I also realised how much lighter I feel right now. I know things will get stressful but right now I want to enjoy the up whilst knowing I can make the down lighter and I can get through it.
I have also been trying to be a more responsible adult and that has been working a bit. I have mopped for the first time in my life and I found it fun because it was something new. I think the key to adulting is making it fun. E.g. I can dress up how I want and I can save money to work towards my goals and etc.
I still struggle with the smaller basic things like making sure I keep up my skin routine but I am being kinder to myself about it so it doesn't feel as bad which is nice.

Technology
I feel like I have been rotting my own brain. Just scrolling. I don't know the balance between the scrolling and engaging with it. I do want to see my friends but I also want to see the content creators I follow. I think I want to learn and also just relax. Which brings up the question is social media the best place to learn? Instead of learning from content creators should I learn from books which means I get content in a more brain friendly way. I don't know the answer but I am trying to decrease my screen time. I think currently I am around the 5 hour mark which is crazy. I know I don't want to spend that much time there. On good news I have quite twitter officially and I still have an account but the desire to go on it is not there. Instagram and reel still take up a lot of my time and I am not sure how to stop spending time there. I also want to post but I am a private person so I don't want to as well.
I read a really good tweet about AI replacing HI (human intelligence) and that seems like an increasing possibility. I worry for the younger generation and my family who are affected by this super young. I hope I can rescue them a bit. Note: I don't think the internet is all bad. I just think the direction we are going towards is not great. The attention span of people are dropping fast and that will have crazy consequences specially with work and quality being produced. Not that productive work is the main reason. It also affects our relationships and how we interact with people on a screen instead of people in real life.
I could talk about this for a long time but I will stop here.

I hope you guys enjoyed it! And welcome to the new people in the Listed community!