April 19, 2021•493 words
I always loved music. My family wasn't very musical, neither parent played any instruments, but there was love and appreciation of music aplenty. My musical interests changed throughout the years, mostly in phases. But playing or making music never really crossed my mind as something I'd like to do. Even though my parents offered for me to go to music school and play any instrument I wanted, there just wasn't any pull and I refused, thinking little of it at the time. Among various phases was, interestingly enough, a phase where I just didn't listen to any music, for some reason. Like I got sick of it, I actively avoided it. I completely forgot about this until just now.
In any case, phases came and went, and sometime in my late teens I realized I wanted to sing. I was hanging out with my friends and they were good at playing guitar, but I couldn't play anything except the very basics, and somewhere throughout this it occurred to them that I could sing while they played. I laughed it off because I always considered myself an absolutely terrible singer (back when I thought it isn't a skill you can learn and practice), but went along with it anyway for the laughs. Long story short, I got into it, way more than I ever thought I would. I went on to music school where I was classically trained for 5 years before quitting.
I took a 6 month break from music, singing and everything related to playing or creating music. A part of that was just being sick of it at that point, because a lot of what I did there weren't really things that I wanted to do, but things that I had to do due to the nature of that school. And that school had one of the best vocal teachers in the country. So I stuck with it, until I couldn't anymore. I still kept listening to and exploring music, as I have been for many years.
That break ended unintentionally. I was listening to a tune and thought: "this is a wonderful little melody there, but this 7 minute song goes nowhere. Maybe I could take just that melody, sample it, play around with it and make something interesting." And so I did, and that's how my first song came to be. As I was playing around in Ableton Live for the first time, I literally could not get the stupid, childlike grin off my face. I was having so much fun. I don't remember ever having that much fun or enjoying something in my entire life.
A couple of years later, I'm still making music, although of course there were breaks and periods of doubt and defeat. Whenever I feel like I should give up, I remind myself that it feels too right to be wrong, most of the time. Not pursuing such a huge passion feels almost sinful.