standing in love

Envy, jealousy, ambition, any kind of greed are passions; love is an action, the practice of human power, which can be practiced only in freedom and never as a result of compulsion. Love is an activity, not a passive affect; it is a "standing in," not a "falling for." In the most general way, the active character of love can be described by stating that love is primarily giving, not receiving. - Erich Fromm

The Art of Loving by Erich Fromm is one of those books where I remember where I got it and when exactly I read it. Every year, there used to be these penny book sales. Some books were pennies. Some were quarters. Most books were so old and musty. But you could find really cool, old editions of classics. When I was in my early 20's, most of the books I owned were from these book sales. They were probably bad for my allergies, but I loved them. This tiny book published in 1956 caught my eye. I had never heard of Fromm and the title was interesting. The paper was yellow from being old.

Every page of this book is filled with golden nuggets of wisdom. Fromm was one of the greatest thinkers of the 20ᵗʰ century. This book was the start of my education on love. My 'reeducation' had to work against the many years of brainwashing by Hollywood and society at large. The myth of falling in love had to be replaced by Fromm's idea that love is an activity. Love is an art. Love is a practice. Love is not passive. We must give, give, and give some more. Love requires effort.

If we think that love is a falling for, instead of a standing in, then we remove responsibility from ourselves. We have a higher chance of success if we take responsibility for our actions revolving around the art of loving. Small, daily actions are key to standing in love.