Saturday, Jan 21, 2023 at 5:36 PM

Some really brief notes on LA:

• I believe you cannot survive in LA if you compare yourself to people generally in terms of: appearance, social appropriateness, wealth The average person probably struggles with these things. I do not in the classic way; I simply struggle with other things – why I chose the NYC life. A more unique, more wounding place to be, but one that feels more exhilarating to heal.

Even the third point, being "poor," didn't hurt as much in LA bc I wasn't TRYING to make money. * (now in NYC, i am off my craft, and feels bad mang lmfao)

• Everyone there is on a thin rope because no one there feels like they deserve to be in a place so gorgeous with so much (surface level) opportunity. I think bc the land is so wealthy, the people also felt implicitly they had to match it.

• Everyone assumes that the surface of wealth is enough. If you dive too intensely into the shallow water, you'll break your neck. I believe you must invest your energy wisely if you are to survive and thrive and be in LA, and most of us were never taught to do that

• The biggest benefit to not living in LA is the seasonal changes help me stay indoors and concentrate. The temptation to leave my house was 10x worse while I was in LA bc it was always such awesome weather and nature. It made me feel restless. Tbh I miss that feeling sometimes.

• Everyone there is playing one such game, which is the game of seeming "good enough". The only way to really thrive is to already believe you are good enough
  But then, why does one go to LA? I am still grappling w this [thus this is in this note, not on my Substack]

• I've observed you will be a hit in LA if you have an energy of detachment yet attachment – you care a lot about something, but not a lot about other things
  Essentially - if you don't care about being there
  The irony though, that no one moves to LA just to BE there.. usually.

• I'm dead certain that you will not know how to be yourself in LA if you've ever staked your identity on how you relate to people and keep score of who you get along with.

Going to LA to FIND yourself if you are really new to the journey can be very rough if you have insecurities around aforementioned areas #1-2-3

If you don't have those insecurities, it probably won't appeal to you much at all.

Why did it appeal to me?
I think it appealed to me because I put my worth on my performance than on my social approval
I crave social approval through people respecting my work, and in LA, no one really cared about that work...

Another thing I'll say is I don't believe many people have a good reason to move to LA if it's about anything external. You eventually realize that the price you pay for the fabulous weather can be extremely lonely if you don't use the city as a place to commune with, 1:1. This is why I always characterize my relationship with LA itself, more than I identify my experience with those who I loved while I was there.