EWDL: Eating While Driving League

What's more 'Murican than eating full meals while driving?

Everyone talks about the downsides of a car-centric and fast-food culture. But no one mentions the unique skill that only U.S. citizens can claim to master: eating while driving. And we're not talking a bag of chips here -- that's amateur league. We're talking full meals consumed while knee-steering a car around curves at night.

And so, I propose the creation of an official sporting league, tentatively called EWDL: Eating While Driving League.

Races will feature drivers wearing all-white eating increasingly-complicated meals while driving around set tracks of various complexity.

• Races can be individual, multi-car, hard track, off-road, even cross-country.
• All genders can compete together.
• Kids races can feature go-carts on small tracks.
• Competitors can be judged based on multiple factors, including: - how messy are their clothes after a race? - how well did they stay on track? - how fast did they finish the meal/race? - a slower racer may eat a sloppy meal without spilling a drop and thus acquire points to win

Sponsorship: Every fast food joint will want in on this. Add to that oil companies, car parts companies...you name it. This league should have NO issues finding sponsorship money.

Viewers: Those watching live races will thrill at the spectacle of watching cars careening out of control on tracks. At home, viewers will watch in-car cameras as drivers spill whole plates of spaghetti all over themselves. This has TikTok video written all over it.