Ephemeral Memory

I feel kinda bad for Hannan for trying to have lunch with me. I gave him my work's phone number. So I kept missing his messages when I'm out of the lab. So the dilemma here is whether I should break the personal life-work life barrier and give him my personal WhatsApp number. I wanted to consult someone (preferably Asyraf or Iqbal since they know that I have two WhatsApp numbers instead of one), but I still haven't done it yet. ...

Not a fan of today. Everyone was interfering with my focus that I didn't even remember what I was doing. And I hate that I had to sacrifice my session for someone who wasn't even ready for hers. What a waste of my session. And the other person, she kept interfering non-stop. I need a refuge somewhere when I'm not doing any work. ...

I don't have enough sleep. It's surprising that I can still function properly in the day but I fear that I might not be able to do so in the future if I keep doing this. ...

Today, it was a Food Panda chaos. I received a wrong order (which I got refunded for) but the restaurant said that I will be getting the correct order that was supposed to be delivered to me the first time. But then, it never came. At the same time, I've put in the same order just before the restaurant called. And that order cannot be cancelled, so I just went through with it. So I dealt with 3 orders of food today. I gave one to the delivery man from the wrong order. ...

It's very annoying to have someone in the lab who thinks that her needs is above everyone else despite all of us are doing the same thing. Just because you think that you have a lot of things to do doesn't degrade the quantity of work that everyone else have. We have a lot of things to do as well. It's just you who doesn't want to be considerate and you're being selfish all the time. Unbelievable. ...

It's such a misty day in the morning but unfortunately, it was hot and humid in the afternoon. ...

This is definitely soo annoying. Two people who don't want to be wrong, each thinks that their opinion matters more than the other. No wonder they end up fighting (two egos clash). It's only a matter of time. One ended up crying and one ended up feeling bad. Even when they were trying to make up, they still didn't want to admit that they're wrong. So whatever they did to make up went nowhere. These are the people that I've tried so much to get away from. It's a good thing I've noticed the signs ...

It's a little presumptuous to expect the situation (that benefit you) would be the same after some time. That is what I call being privileged. Just because you haven't come to the lab and do something, it doesn't mean that things that you need will still be there especially when the others are actively doing something in the lab during your absence. It's a little untenable to accept your behaviour that everything should be prepared and ready for you at the current moment based on what happened i...

I realised that between learning and socializing, I need to balance between the two. I can do both but at a reduced capacity of one of them. I mean, it's not rocket science. Everyone knows that but that was made apparent to me clearly quite recently. ...

I'm quite touched that people are willing to help me to do my ibadah. Alhamdulillah. ...

It's really hard to stay positive in a negative environment (or in an environment that doesn't foster the positivity that I'm striving for). ...

As usual, I'm annoyed by how much I have to wait for someone just to complete a 5-minute task. She's just unbearable sometimes. I'm pretty sure she doesn't know how to prioritize (or plan properly). ...

One thing that I noticed is that my morning schedule is too packed that I don't have enough time to do everything that I want to do but my evening schedule on the other hand is too empty. I need some revamp on my daily schedule. ...

Alhamdulillah, the day went well. I was on track on my daily schedule. ...

I don't know why I did that, why I tried to reconnect with the person again. I was too delusional into thinking that I can get some words out of the person but as usual, my message was only seen. I really should stop for good, thinking about this person. ...

In all honesty, I'd hate to see my Listed progress goes to waste. I need to start creating again. What's funny is I've got tons of backlogged videos and all I have to do is to post them. But I guess having momentum in doing this is more impactful than I realised. ...

I started my Bayyinah journey. I stayed at the lab past 1700 by myself (no one was there due to the time being the end of the year). And I have to say that I got a surge of motivation doing it. I started with Quranic lesson, followed by some Arabic lessons and end up with starting a little bit of hafazan. I hope I can replicate it the next day and have some discipline to maintain the routine. ...

Just found out that the one for me will get married this Sunday. She told me herself. I have mixed feeling about this. I know that being with her is a long shot especially in my condition (family history, mental health issue, spiritual turbulence), so that's why I'm a little relieved that she's chosen to move on. I'd be surprised if she had waited for me (for me to finish my study and have a stable job). But on the other hand, I do feel disappointed because I didn't do much to keep that relation...

Ever since I lost access to my laptop, I struggle to come back to my original schedule and routine (as evident by my blog post schedule hiatus). ...

The anxiety is getting worse. I need to properly separate work and personal lives even more distinctively. Any thoughts about work cannot penetrate my personal life. ...

Should I move from Bitwarden to Proton Pass since there's a web version for the latter already? ...

I'm so conflicted to be honest. I'd love to stay in touch but doing so would hurt me so much that I'd suffer from the whiplash of it for days. I might be delusional here but it appears that he'd like to reconnect (especially after I've been idle for almost two weeks on Instagram by not posting anything so far). Should I reconnect? ...

I got out of depression a few months ago. I've faced that for years so much that I didn't even know how bad it was back then. Up until recently that I realised that I was in deep depression. Unfortunately, I'm seeing signs of depression again. I started to lose interest in doing things that I love (I just stopped doing them due to unforeseen circumstances; and the reason I kept doing that was because of momentum), and I started to not care much about myself (appearance, grade etc). I know that i...

I think from this point on, I won't be around after Jumaah prayer at the lab. The negativity left by this woman is astounding that I don't get paid enough to handle for the whole weekend. You can go fuck yourself. ...

Buat aku sakit hari ke dengan perempuan ni. Dah kau decide ckp mcm ni, aku buat je lah apa yg kau mintak. Tapi dah kenapa kau nak salahkan aku buat exactly apa yg kau mintak? So technically, you’re blaming me for the decision that you’ve made? You sound like a Zionist for some reason. Kalau benda ni berlaku first time aku boleh terima lagi. Cuma benda ni dah berlaku banyak kali sebelum ni. Dah tau diri tu pelupa, cuba lah tulis sth supaya ingat. Dah berpangkat tu jangan lah tunjuk bodoh akhlak t...

My laptop cannot be turned on anymore due to the motherboard. So, I'm in dilemma on how to proceed with this issue. Should I buy a new laptop or repair the motherboard? ...

I've been overly sensitive and I don't know what exactly is causing it. I think it's because I haven't been hanging out with any guys (only girls) and the fact that I have been repressing what I'm feeling for months now is making me sensitive to a lot of things (even the small ones). ...

I met this very nice and friendly guy working at MyNews. He's from Bangladesh. I ask him for a contact number (since I'd love to have a friend from every country in the world) but he gave me a fake number. So, I was wondering if I was too forward, does it make me look like a gay or something that people are hesitant to connect with me? Or are they just don't care about making friends and it's just them doing their job? ...

I feel lonely lately and I feel like whatever I've been doing to prevent that looks like an act of desperation. That makes the other person even more distant with me. It's a vicious loop. ...

I think I truly have Stockholm syndrome. I can't seem to be able to move on regardless of the person's personality. ...