Julie Reynders - Descripitve writing, Carnival.
May 3, 2022•228 words
The colour of the dark grey, almost royal blue sky contrasted the carrousel with ease. The dark clouds loomed over the bright blue sky, like it was being held hostage. The scene was uneasy. There was a chaotic stillness coming from the destroyed carousel. What was once so innocent, had now become so haunted. The vintage designs from the attraction brought back an eery, nostalgic feeling. Even though half of the carousel was on the floor, it was still clear to see what it once was, a majestic ride that depicted the pillar of innocence and childhood.
The constant high pitched creaks from the torn down carousel were like screams for help, but there was no one to respond to them. I couldn't help but to feel some sort of sympathy for it. It's lost soul, trapped in the elegant white spotted horses that somehow survived.
I then looked at it again, not being able to take my eyes off this tragedy. I looked up to see if the stormy clouds had reconsidered their punishment. They hadn't.
Grade: 6/7 or 5/7
Things I did well, and things I could improve on.
- Good use of sophisticated words.
- Good use of mixed sentence types.
- Good use in punctuation. _ Use more complex sentences. _ Work more with the 5 senses _ Use more unique metaphors and similes.