Losing A Dog and Some Reflections in Grief

What can losing someone you value and care about teach you about loss, grief and life? Well, a lot — even if it is not a human, but a dog. At some point in our lives, we have to deal with loss and grief over the death of someone we cherish. After all, death is inevitable. Losing someone can make us all realize and feel one of the most painful yet integral emotions in life.

Two weeks ago, one of our dogs died. She was not an ordinary dog — rather, she was unique from the bunch, cunning yet loyal. She was also special due to the fact that she was born months before the pandemic. So, for most of the time our family have been spending at home, we have her steadfast presence giving us cheer and comfort as we deal with the stress of remote work and more.

For most of her life, she would be accompanied by her mother who had been accustomed to her presence too. Like a normal dog, she would enjoy going for a short walk or an excursion into the neighborhood. She also likes to go inside the house, preferring its warm and cozy atmosphere. She was intelligent, having been taught tricks and figuring out some of her own. In mealtime, she would make one of the cutest pose I've ever seen in my life as she begs for food.

However, everything changed as the new year passes. She was in heat prior to the beginning of the year, and weeks after she began bleeding from her vagina profusely. It wasn't the first time this happened — we all thought that she had problems with her reproductive organs that will resolve soon after. After all, menstruation also happens in dogs. But as the weeks progressed, her condition worsened until one day when her mouth began to froth profusely.

Due to her worsening condition, we had her checked at the nearest vet and unfortunately, the diagnosis came. She was inflicted with pyometra, and it was too late. The infection had already spread into her stomach, and it was only a matter of time before she died. At that point, we still decided to have her undergo a surgery. It was too late, and she died nonetheless.

Everything happened so fast that we never anticipated her death. We can only blame ourselves for not bringing her sooner to the vet. We didn't know any better though.

Grief follows the first few days of her death. The emotion was hard to describe and write into words. I experienced not just a sudden wave of sadness, but a lingering air of emptiness, longing, denial, and shock. It was a powerful emotion that I came to realize and embrace fully.

Looking back, our dog's death made me ponder about the reality of grief and reflect on this powerful emotion. Processing this emotion is hard precisely because it is a powerful one. For me, grief is not just a singular emotion but a complex one. The best that I can come to describe it is sadness with a strong hint of emptiness peppered with shock and denial. Emphasis on emptiness — it really is hard to accept that someone is gone, and that you have to abruptly adjust to that loss. It is okay to cry all you want — after all, an emotion is an emotion, and it does not care for any gender stereotype whatsoever.

Shock and denial are two emotions that follow immediately after realizing that a loved one is no more. Having accustomed to our dog's cheerful presence, it comes as a shocking realization that she won't be around anymore. An abrupt loss is much more painful, and I had a hard time accepting and adjusting to a new routine without our dog's presence.

When our dog was still around, I would pet her whenever I could as a form of consolation and to remove stress. Now that she was gone, suddenly there was a vacuum in the daily routine. This feeling of emptiness and longing persisted a few days after her death.

Days passed and the feelings I first experienced began to subside. The sadness have slowly diminished, and the feeling of emptiness began to go away. However, her memory will not surely fade away. Whenever I think of her now, I let out a smile and remember her quirky character.

My experience of grief — even though it may be short and fleeting — is unpleasant but warranted especially after losing someone we have came to grow accustomed to. The rollercoaster of emotions that I felt was one that seemed surreal, for the death was abrupt. What is important, however, is how I came to recognize these emotions and accept them as part of life.