What trans, nonbinary and genderqueer mean to me ("new name" addendum)

If you're looking for some detail about terminology, I suggest paying this website a visit: nonbinary.wiki

But here's a short version:

Trans means “across”, and cis means “on the same side”. So cisgender and transgender mean: if your actual gender is aligned with the gender that was assigned to you at your birth (aka. AGAB = assigned gender at birth), you’re cis (eg. you were assigned female at birth and identify as a woman). If your gender and your AGAB don't align, you’re trans (eg. you were assigned male at birth but you are in reality a woman).

Genderqueer means queer in regards to your gender. It’s just a gender-specific way of saying I’m queer, to differentiate from people who are queer regarding their sexual orientation.

Nonbinary means outside the binary. The binary narrative, for me, is saying that there are two genders (woman and man), aligned with two sexes (female and male). There are actually multiple sexes (it’s really a spectrum), that includes female, male, intersex. It's not binary. It's not even ternary, because it's really hard to define male, female and intersex. Hormones don't give a clear answer. Body parts either. Maybe I'll write another blog post about this one day.

And gender... Well, it's a social construct. One part of the construct is to say that gender is linked to sex (which it is only in the sense that we decided it is); another part of the construct is to say that gender is binary: in the countries I grew up in, it was a choice between woman and man. But since gender is a social construct, there are many possibilities! One umbrella term is nonbinary: outside the binary. That can mean many things, though: genderfluid (your gender varies and fluctuates), agender (no gender at all), bigender (two genders), demigender (you have one anchoring gender and another part that changes or is undefined), etc. If you're interested in finding out more about this, search for "nonbinary genders" and enjoy the rabbit hole!

Btw: I write nonbinary in one word because I want it to exist as its own thing. I feel that "non-binary" or "non binary" exclusively sounds like "not binary", which is again defined by an absence of a definition. By spelling it as one word, I feel it creates a new meaning for this word. It's a thing on its own.

If you don’t get it, that’s okay, you do not need to get it. Because of the binary narrative and the way oppression works, when in privilege many people assume it’s their right to understand. And if one doesn’t, to invalidate others’ experiences. But that’s not necessary. I do not understand what it is like to go through many things, and even though I can try, I won’t ever manage as long as I don’t experience it. Racism, for instance: I can try to understand it the best I can, but I won’t ever get it, because I’ll never be discriminated against because of that. I won’t get it, and that’s okay — it doesn’t mean other people can’t live their lives.

So if you’re curious, try to inform yourself! But if you don’t get it, try to create a space within yourself where you accept that you don’t understand and still make sure that your behaviour doesn’t exclude people you don’t understand.

💡 Note that when I’m talking about women and/or men, I am talking about both cis and trans persons. Because trans men are men and trans women are women. “trans” and “cis” are an adjective that comes to add precision to the main point: gender. If I want to talk specifically about cis women or cis men, I will specify (eg. to talk about privileges that come with being cis). If I talk specifically about trans women or trans men, I will specify (eg. to talk about shared experiences). Otherwise, when I talk about "women" in general, I mean all women, trans and cis alike. Same for men.