She's Back

Well hello there. I had forgotten about you for a bit.

Reading back my previous posts, it is a very ironic time to come back to this:
Things are changing, and massively.
Firstly, I am no longer on anti-depressants. Haven't been for over six months. Not because I'm perfectly healthy (still scored way too high on the depression test my therapist gave me a couple weeks ago), but because I decided I don't want to endure the side effects anymore. So now I have to work things out myself.
Let's say I have had...mixed results.
But more on that another time.

Secondly, and most important, this week will be my last therapy session. Not voluntarily, of course. My therapist is unfortunately closing her practice to change into a private one, and since I'm not privately insured...it's very sad for both of us.
I will crochet her a little dragon and write a letter, but I don't think the realisation has quite set in that after this week, I simply won't have anyone to talk to in that special way. Don't get me wrong, of course I applied for other therapists, at least 10, but so far, no one has written back. I'm sure they're all at capacity anyway.
The public health system, yay.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared. If you've ever had a (good) therapist, you know how massively important they get after a time. It is a ritual, a sign of progress, to walk into that practice every week, and it is a more needed security net than you ever imagined.

And Jesus Christ, I still have issues. Probably will for the rest of my life. But without therapy, all the responsibility rests on my shoulders now...

It's the ultimate test to see how much I learned the last years. Because I do have more tools now, and I'm more stable and understanding towards myself.

I will be fine.

I have to believe that.

I can do it.

Peace out,
Emilia