Entry 5 - Ending One Chapter

Every minute it becomes more real that this was my friend's last day here.

I feel immense gratitude that we got to spend so much time together in the final few days before he leaves to start the next chapter of his life. Time spent cooking, sharing meals, talking, adventuring. All of the things that has made our friendship and our cohabitation unique being at the fore, without the complacency of routine.

I was awake until the early morning hours putting the final touches on his bike, and the completion of it was the bookend to how this all started. It's my gift to him, the expression of my hopes for his future adventures, the life he will live, being ever in the state of being a visitor to the places he will live and a guest of the people he will meet. It was the love of riding that first brought us connection, allowed me to show him the world that I know. His bike has been for him a vehicle, a mode of that kind of exploration that is his uniquely. From when we first found it, to going to pick it up, to building it together, to the rides we've had, it's an object of meaning for the both of us, and it feels appropriate that it was only now it's complete.

The day started with a ride, a simple loop, but one that was a reflection of so much of this time. From flying down the steep hill, riding through downtown, a breakfast stop, and a ride around the park, it was one final look at the place we've both called home. Seeing it through his eyes, as part the last sights of this city he'll have for a long while, it gives a sense of appreciation for how unique this place is.

Back home, cooking, cleaning, getting ready for the dinner, it was comforting in how normal it felt. We had a phone call with my friend, planning a shared vacation later in the year. Intersecting naturally with one another, having that time to spend in each other's company outside of the day-to-day. It makes it feel less permanent, and gives something to hold on to.

Dinner with our friends, getting the rare chance to host. Eating together, laughing, sharing silences comfortable and not, just being human with each other.

Putting together the collage was the final step of the day. Messy creativity, without pretense or presumption.

I'm not sure how I'd ever be able to summarize what this year has been.

Prior to the move, for as much as I had felt gratitude for the renewed connection I had found with my family, I had felt lonely and trapped in the old place. Physically comfortable, financially unstressed, but stagnant and isolated from my friends. For me, life in the suburbs creates the conditions for a stale, repetitive existence. And being in a place with that long of a personal history, it felt hard to recognize the growth as it happened.

Taking the plunge was scary. It was shaking the snow-globe. And though there was part of me that hoped that shaking it would make the snow stop falling, I feel it was more important that it gave me a chance to see the figures that has been obscured for so long.

None of that would have been possible without such a great friend being there with me though it all.

I hope that I've been at least some of that for him. It's hard to tell. He's not as inclined to talk about himself, which I think is a shame.

I was hoping that by now I would have stumbled upon some profundity, some grand insight, but really I guess it's mostly that the change feels very very real now, and I'm again scared by that feeling of not knowing. But this has been a whole year of experience that tells me that the fear is telling me there's something big going on. That fear knows, change can be painful, heartwrenching, terrifying. But change can be the engine of growth and fulfillment.

Neither of us are the same people who walked into this apartment. Tomorrow, we both step out of it, and begin the journey down our very different paths.