241106 - Whose

Salaman.

Today was an odd day. I didn't sleep well last night.

I've been going through an odd couple of days, and weeks.

Freak man.

I slept poorly last night. I was watching the updates of the US 2024 election. Donald Trump won.

The political class as portrayed on YouTube are dressed in suits, and speak to large crowds. They're portrayed strangely now that I think about it, in a uniform dress code.

I'm sitting at a chair with the blue blazer Allah allowed me to purchase in 2018. Thanks God.

But I am not from the political class.

I was university educated. Lazy thinker if ever I was. I hope God will forgive me, and increase me in knowledge.

A snapshot from the day: https://photos.app.goo.gl/qadLi9pfDpBEnb4ZA

Claire and I hung out online for an hour or more. I was so not prepared. My attention was all over the place.

Prior to meeting Claire, I was speaking with Kayvon. It was very inspiring at the time. He was hoping in God, and painted a very optimistic possibility of the future.

Meanwhile, in my internal world I was feeling ashamed and guilty for my sins. For not putting my best foot forward.

Kayvon said that every decision we make during the day must be deliberate and oriented to Allah. Something like that. He emphasized making decisions mindfully and with God in mind.

I am not exceptional. I say that because I was looking at the iPad and looked at the app animation when I was swiping on the screen, and I don't have any ability to produce that.

Hallelujah.

Hallelujah is a transliteration of Hebrew: הַלְלוּ יָהּ (hallū yāh), which means "praise ye Jah!" (from הַלְלוּ‎, "praise ye!" and יָהּ‎, "Jah".) The word hallēl in Hebrew means a joyous praise in song. The second part, Yah, is a shortened form of YHWH (Yahweh or Jehovah in modern English).

I met Tara at 1pm ET today. She advised me on a guided meditation of sorts. Very inner visualization of what felt like arbitrary but peaceful set of words that prompted me to imagine scenes in my head.

Then I went and smoked a joint. I kind of regret it. It still feels awful.

I am corrupt to my knowledge. Why? The thought that indicates that for me is the fact that I have not brushed my teeth in over 24 hours.