conditional

Many of us come to feel that our existence only has meaning or value if we're seen as worthy and lovable in the eyes of others. The more inner insecurity we feel, the more external security and validation we need to offset it.

If we come to value and love ourselves, others aren't needed to provide these feelings since they can now be generated from within. We no longer feel we need to be given love and can instead give it. Until this point, relating is primarily a covert means to receive in order to compensate for the lack, and others are treated according to how well they fulfill this function for us. As long as they do, they're clung to and given to only with the implicit condition of return.

This isn't love. It's a cheap exchange in service to a delusion, a way of being centered entirely around filling an imaginary hole in the psyche. One that can only be dissolved in the light of our loving acceptance.