performing

To perform and try to be pleasing so that others enjoy my company more is completely self defeating and makes relationships a drain. Since they come to expect and feed off this, it isn't long before their company becomes a burden.

I need to accept and bring myself as I am with others. It's the only way I can be with them without it being tiring, it's the only way to find love and friendships that will nourish and last. If I can be at peace with others. If I'm neither entertaining them nor suppressing myself. If I'm at rest, giving only myself as I am in each moment. If I am myself and I allow them a chance to see and love that - not what I'm doing for them.

The right ones for me will see and love that. I already know that I have the capacity to see and love that in others. That's what I need, and it starts with me. It starts with me letting others have their expectations and needs and judgements and staying rooted in myself regardless. Picking myself up when things don't work out. Reminding myself of my inherent worthiness and okayness, even with all the flaws and mistakes and awkwardness. Neither dimming nor performing. Just being. Simply being and letting the energy flow where it will. Letting myself emerge naturally.