out of tune

i feel weirdly out of tune lately
i dont feel bad, which is nice
but its like
theres this basin in my chest
that keeps slowly filling up
until it spills over

and when it does im suddenly crying
with waves of feeling
flooding my insides
then out into the open air
feelings that seem just a little disconnected
from whatevers going on

they arent all bad
sometimes even gratitude
i think things like
"im so lucky"
"my life is amazing"
"how is this even reeeaaal"

but part of me thinks
the feelings arent following the thoughts anymore
that its just pure feeling
that i create thoughts to explain
or maybe they're old feelings that id abandoned
unexpressed and unexplored

what does it mean
when that starts to happen?
is that insanity?
a chemical imbalance in the brain?
is there a difference?
does it even matter?

i cant seem to explore
my feelings anymore
not like before
just a few weeks ago
i couldnt stop
but i guess i dont really miss that

so whatever
ill cry for now
until something breaks
or something changes
or i
die

its all good tbh
tbqh
it
is
all
good