apr20

I've been looking more into other religions recently, both the foundational texts and through visiting local temples. The more I do, the more clear it becomes to me that the religious institutions are completely distinct from the texts and other creations they've co-opted as their own. They're barely referencing the same things, and when they do it's usually to add weight/authority to unrelated messages and practices that the institution wants to instill to further some views or agendas of theirs. Basically, the collective religious movements are what happens when something abstract and poetic is misinterpreted and misused by ambitious people who lack the awareness and imagination to contemplate or experience what they're reading and claiming to preach.

It is amazing how much has been created around these texts. A lot of it is beautiful too, but even this is more a reflection of the individuals who created them. For the most part their works are now used to adorn/induce surface impressions. Once the mystique and shine starts to wear off, it becomes more obvious that they're mostly used for superficial productions, though of course participants may occasionally feel something deeper in themselves as a result of projected beliefs and emotions.

It seems obvious that the creators of the original works never intended for all this. For their poetry and artwork to be co-opted by millions of people who have learned to judge themselves and others as insufficient and unworthy in comparison to certain idealized impressions. Who believe that they and others need to strive to become worthy of living or transcendence or union with God. If anything the creators are usually pointing out that we're already worthy and that transcendence and union are inherent, even if perceptibly fleeting. God is inescapable, because all the various conceptions of God are pointing to an all-pervading process which leaves nothing out. If everyone and everything comes out of this process and dissolves back into it, how could any of it be unworthy? Who/what are we trying to prove ourselves to? Who is really judging who?

Upon examination, life just doesn't work that way. The life portion of existence is like a passing wave. This lifetime I'm experiencing now is like a wave approaching the shore, wherein everything that's visibly here/now will soon recede and ebb back into the sea to be replaced by another wave, and so on into infinity. Or maybe it's better to see it as a single wave that's constantly washing over without ever quite crashing. Either way, it's impersonal on an individual level.

We tend towards collectively clinging to life and assuming that it's extremely important and superior to death. That it's a terrible thing whenever anyone or anything dies. This is looking more silly to me as time goes on. This is as much a world of death as it is of life, maybe even moreso. The moment something can be seen by one of us as alive it's already in the process of dying just as we ourselves are, and rapidly approaching its inevitable dissolution. Everything needs to constantly be killing and consuming something else just to maintain its deteriorating body. In this very moment, we're digesting something and being digested by countless microbial beings.

We can either see that as horrible or just see it for what it is without the judgments, assumptions or personalizing. Each distinct living body/mind generates certain emotions which signal various things but this doesn't need to be spiritualized or moralized. It's actually ingeniously practical in how discomforting or enjoyable it can be. They're motivating forces which prompt each entity to move in certain directions. Again, it's impersonal since nearly every living entity is wired with this in some form including plants, insects and even collectives. Fear = increased alertness to potential threats. Terror/disgust = recoil from/repel potential danger. Shock = sensory overwhelm/pause to process. Joy = this is somehow beneficial for survival/health/propagation.

This is just another way of interpreting these processes but that's something else I'm noticing more - how everything is up for interpretation and how every individual and group has their own views/beliefs about these processes which either harmonize or conflict with those of others. No one really knows though. No one really knows. So as far as I'm concerned, it's not really worth stressing or getting defensive over. What seems true today may not tomorrow. New experiences are always being had and new information is always coming to light.

This all seems to be contributing to a deepening sense that life is just not that serious. It's more like a passing, albeit unusually stable and intricate, dream. And like dreams, it's more absurd than serious. More and more it's seeming to me that it's just not worth worrying about. It's not worth toiling or stressing about in any way. It's more like a game to play or space to explore for a while. Wherever the option is there, it's not really worth doing anything that isn't actually wanted or needed. If I come to believe I should or must, I've probably been convinced or conned by someone projecting their own ideas outward.

Everything precious will fade or be lost eventually, including the passing experience of being alive. I can either spend that time feeling needy, stressed out and in trembling fear of the inevitable or just embrace it for what it is, be ready to grieve one thing after another and continue playing/exploring until I too become another thing for someone else to grieve.