December 28, 2020•322 words
A big challenge that I continue to face is my OCD rapidly changing themes. As soon as my Harm OCD would go away, I would switch to POCD or HOCD. This sucked big time, but let me tell you, ERP is like chemo. ERP attacks the OCD cancer at its core.
When I started to figure out my harm related thoughts were OCD, I went on a research rampage. I looked up everything related to OCD. This led me down a path of seeing other OCD themes.
These other themes were extremely triggering. I saw POCD, then I went to my daughters day care for a Halloween party. All the kids running around in their costumes got me questioning whether or not I could be a pedophile. I felt awful with myself. I have my own child. How could I worry about something like this. I constantly questioned how I felt. I was on guard all the time, did I have a groinal response? Am I attracted to kids?
Then came more research relating to my new theme. It led me to questioning my sexuality. Was I gay? Am I attracted to that guy in the movie we just watched? I am not against gay people, but this is not who I am. What would be the consequences if I did happen to be gay? Would I have to leave my wife and child? These thoughts horrified me and kept me awake at night.
Eventually, I had enough. I went to actual, good quality OCD therapy. This was a life changer, and like I said, it attacked my OCD as a whole. I felt like I was chipping away at the fortress that OCD had built in my mind.
Stay positive with yourself. Even if your OCD has morphed into many different themes. Therapy can help you with all of these. ERP gives you the tools to fight it all, and succeed.