r

russ

Father, husband, OCD sufferer, tech geek, and mental health advocate.

Outriders Might be the Next Anthem

I hate to write a post like this but, Outriders is looking like a fail like Anthem. The core gameplay is excellent, the loot is awesome, and the class variety is great. However, it is not ready for prime time. This game is half baked and full of bugs.

First off, the matchmaking is utter crap. Seriously, during your endgame loot runs, you pick join a group for expeditions. No joke, 90% of the games you join, the party leader is AFK. Then, when you get into a game where your party is actually playing, you end up disconnected. I feel like I have had successfully joined games that went through to completion maybe, 2 or 3 percent of the time. It is rough.

Next, the bugs are unbearable. There have been a ton of people on the Outriders Reddit that have had their entire inventories wiped. This is a freaking looter. Gamers are spending hours gathering the right loot to make their builds just right. I have seen multiple people quit because of this bug. What a terrible first impression.

Speaking of min/maxing your builds. Now People Can Fly is nerfing a bunch of builds that players have worked hard to achieve. Now, if this game was PVP, I would understand but, it is not. PCF has no plans for anything other than co-op. What is the point of nerfing classes? Once again, they are taking away people’s time spent working on builds. Who cares if the game is unbalanced, instead of nerfing, how about you just bring up the other classes?

I want to like this game. It’s core is something that has the power to be around for quite a while. It’s Diablo but with guns, which on paper, sounds fun. I am not so sure the devs are going to be able to dig themselves out of this hole. They lost a lot of trust from their player base already. Luckily, I am playing this on gamepass or else I’d be contacting Microsoft for a refund.

Outriders is Struggling

My previous post has shown that I am enjoying the heck out of Outriders and that is 100% true. However, I am having a real hard time with the endgame and matchmaking with other players. Endgame is fun, when it works but, I am having huge issues getting it to run properly.

My issues usually pertain to matchmaking itself. I either join a game to get immediately kicked out. This is super annoying. Anyone who plays Outriders, if you do not want people to join your game, please set your game as private! By default, Outriders has your game open to the public, which is great to get people to matchmake. The issue is, many people don’t realize that they need to make this change themselves. I think some tooltips or maybe once the person kicks someone, it automatically sets their game to private.

My other issues with Outriders is the connection quality. I have my Xbox gigabit wired, and the lag is unbearable on around 80% of the games I end up joining. This sucks because you end up wanting to stay in the game because you FINALLY joined one that you aren’t getting kicked from. These two things combined make me want to shelve Outriders until they get their stuff together.

These issues really suck for the multiplayer experience, but I still suggest picking the game up. It is a great time for the single player campaign and I have not had issues with lag while soloing. Part of the fun is playing through the story and choosing which class to focus on leveling up. They are promising fixes soon so, hopefully the endgame experience gets much better.

Outriders

Holy crap, Outriders is amazing. I have been playing it for the past 2 days (I used New Zealand as my location on Xbox), and I am enjoying the heck out of it. I already finished the story on one character and I am running through it again on another one. People Can Fly has done an outstanding job with this one.

PCF does not have the greatest track record for stories in games. The Bulletstorm story was utter trash. The writing was laughable and, well, it just was not something that I could invest my time into. Outriders has changed all that.

I won’t get into details regarding the story because I do not want to spoil it but, I liked it. It was an enjoyable romp through a scifi world. There were a few things that I did not see coming. It was cool. I really enjoyed it and am hoping PCF keeps the content flowing to this game.

The character I started with was the Devastator class. It is Outriders “Tank” class. This class is all about rocks, earth, and gravity. If you chose Devastator as your first character, you can expect to be in your enemies’ faces, reflecting bullets, and causing massive earthquakes that send your foes flying. It is a super fun class! Definitely something to get used to as the Devastator is, that you are going to be using cover a lot less than a Pyromancer or Technomancer. It is an interesting class, a cover based shooter with a class that you don’t use cover for? You are literally a human wrecking ball.

Another really cool feature is gearing your character. The equipment in this game actually changes the way you play. There are mods on gear that allow you to do different things, like using a skill twice before it is on cooldown. I really like this for endgame because you can tailor your character to exactly what you want them to do.

Anyway, I am going to get back to playing a bit more. I am having fun although; I am struggling to find people to matchmake with currently. I mean, the game just came out and I am sitting here at endgame wondering why no one is available to play with. I will give it some time and run some expeditions to get new gear.

You Can Get Better

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward.

This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever be normal again?” or “This is how I am going to be, I have to live like this and accept it”. Don’t do this to yourself if you can help it. I think it caused me to take two steps forward and three steps back. It really put a damper on my progress.

Once I let OCD go, I got better. OCD sucks bad but, to get better, acknowledge its presence and let it go. Don’t ignore it though, as that can be an avoidance compulsion. Think of it as seeing something out of the corner of your eye, you glance at it, then you go on about your day. This is what you need to do with your OCD. If you are thinking about OCD, you are most likely ruminating, which is a compulsion!

I hope some of this stuff is helpful to anyone with OCD. I know how lost I was on my journey and I found comfort in hearing about other people’s journey and success. I can’t wait for this blogging platform to allow comments. I want to get to know you all and interact with anyone who may read this.

Xbox Series X

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward.

This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever be normal again?” or “This is how I am going to be, I have to live like this and accept it”. Don’t do this to yourself if you can help it. I think it caused me to take two steps forward and three steps back. It really put a damper on my progress.

Once I let OCD go, I got better. OCD sucks bad but, to get better, acknowledge its presence and let it go. Don’t ignore it though, as that can be an avoidance compulsion. Think of it as seeing something out of the corner of your eye, you glance at it, then you go on about your day. This is what you need to do with your OCD. If you are thinking about OCD, you are most likely ruminating, which is a compulsion!

I hope some of this stuff is helpful to anyone with OCD. I know how lost I was on my journey and I found comfort in hearing about other people’s journey and success. I can’t wait for this blogging platform to allow comments. I want to get to know you all and interact with anyone who may read this.

I’m not a Microsoft fanboy by any means but this new Xbox is amazing. Everything fits just right. The controller is an improvement, I personally, like the way it looks, it is much smaller than I thought it was going to be. The fans on this thing are silent, unlike previous generations of the Xbox, I can enjoy gaming without turning the volume up loud.

Gaming has been smooth. The new controller is light but still feels like quality. As my previous posts have stated, I have been playing the Outriders demo. This game is fun as heck. To me, it is a mix of Gears of War with Destiny’s loot. The feeling when you get that new piece of gear is cool.

I also really like the abilities that the classes have. They are pretty distinguishable from each other which is good. I have been using the technomancer because I like long range fighting and the turrets you can throw on the battlefield.

There are a few quirks that are kind of off putting. The cover system is a bit wonky. It doesn’t feel as good as Gears, which is my gold standard for these types of shooters. There have also been some complaints about the amount of cutscenes there are in the game. I 100% agree with this. I am pretty sure the devs are trying to hide the loading screens but goodness, I hate seeing a cutscene when I open a dang door! The cutscenes in the demo are locked at 30 FPS I believe. To be fair, the devs are taking away this cap in the full version.

I’m most excited to play a new co-op only game with my buddies online. I’m getting older and my reflexes aren’t great anymore. Something that I can enjoy with my friends without being super competitive is going to be a breath of fresh air.

Busy and Teleworking

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward.

This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever be normal again?” or “This is how I am going to be, I have to live like this and accept it”. Don’t do this to yourself if you can help it. I think it caused me to take two steps forward and three steps back. It really put a damper on my progress.

Once I let OCD go, I got better. OCD sucks bad but, to get better, acknowledge its presence and let it go. Don’t ignore it though, as that can be an avoidance compulsion. Think of it as seeing something out of the corner of your eye, you glance at it, then you go on about your day. This is what you need to do with your OCD. If you are thinking about OCD, you are most likely ruminating, which is a compulsion!

I hope some of this stuff is helpful to anyone with OCD. I know how lost I was on my journey and I found comfort in hearing about other people’s journey and success. I can’t wait for this blogging platform to allow comments. I want to get to know you all and interact with anyone who may read this.
I have been super busy at work lately! One of my old coworkers was pretty old school and told me that teleworking is only for people that want to start their weekends early. This so false that it isn’t even funny!

I started to telework about a year ago because of COVID. As for the statement above from my old work acquaintance, he could not have been more wrong. I have found productivity has increased a ton! No one is late from commuting, I have found people work and eat voluntarily, and I have that I am saving a ton of time from random people barging into my work station for no reason.

I miss all that stuff, aside from commuting. I miss people coming to say hi to me during the day. However, I have gotten so used to working from home that I don’t really know how I am going to adjust when I go back. I am a little nervous, to be honest. I am hoping they make this arrangement permanent.

If they do make teleworking a forever thing, I am moving. My family and I are going to move somewhere warmer and with a much lower cost of living. We like where we live because of family, but it is so expensive. Having extra money because of cheaper housing would be amazing and a big quality of life bump.

-russ

Getting Back Into Gaming With OCD

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward.

This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever be normal again?” or “This is how I am going to be, I have to live like this and accept it”. Don’t do this to yourself if you can help it. I think it caused me to take two steps forward and three steps back. It really put a damper on my progress.

Once I let OCD go, I got better. OCD sucks bad but, to get better, acknowledge its presence and let it go. Don’t ignore it though, as that can be an avoidance compulsion. Think of it as seeing something out of the corner of your eye, you glance at it, then you go on about your day. This is what you need to do with your OCD. If you are thinking about OCD, you are most likely ruminating, which is a compulsion!

I hope some of this stuff is helpful to anyone with OCD. I know how lost I was on my journey and I found comfort in hearing about other people’s journey and success. I can’t wait for this blogging platform to allow comments. I want to get to know you all and interact with anyone who may read this.

I have written about my OCD and I wanted to write a positive post about how I am doing right now. I’ll be honest, my Harm OCD had me quit gaming for a long while. It always worried me when I played games. I thought I would “like” violence aspect of certain games a bit too much. I thought it would fuel me going “crazy”.

Obviously this is stupid. OCD is just noise in your brain and has nothing to do with who you are or what you are going to become. The hard part is, trying to convince yourself of this when you have OCD is the wrong way to go about healing yourself.

I figured this out and finally got better. Now, I have ordered an Xbox Series X! I am really excited to get back into gaming in some of my free time. I know I can enjoy it again without OCD jumping in and ruining it for me.

OCD is not you, and it is not me either. Don’t let it take over the things you like to do. This is the opposite of what you should do in these situations. Please visit https://iocdf.org to find yourself a therapist and get on the right track to feeling better.

Next stop, Outriders demo on my new Xbox!

Outriders on GeForce Now

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward.

This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever be normal again?” or “This is how I am going to be, I have to live like this and accept it”. Don’t do this to yourself if you can help it. I think it caused me to take two steps forward and three steps back. It really put a damper on my progress.

Once I let OCD go, I got better. OCD sucks bad but, to get better, acknowledge its presence and let it go. Don’t ignore it though, as that can be an avoidance compulsion. Think of it as seeing something out of the corner of your eye, you glance at it, then you go on about your day. This is what you need to do with your OCD. If you are thinking about OCD, you are most likely ruminating, which is a compulsion!

I hope some of this stuff is helpful to anyone with OCD. I know how lost I was on my journey and I found comfort in hearing about other people’s journey and success. I can’t wait for this blogging platform to allow comments. I want to get to know you all and interact with anyone who may read this.
I have been messing around a bit with the new Outriders demo. I am trying to enjoy it but I am struggling to have consistency with GeForce Now. It is unfortunate because I really like the idea of the service.

I currently own Macs and I cannot run any games for Windows. The next best thing was GeForce Now. I thought streaming would be awesome. I have gigabit Fios and an eero pro WiFi 6 setup. What else could I need to run pretty much any PC game that I want?

I am just going to be flat out honest here. It runs like garbage on my set up. There will be moments that I am thinking WOW! This is amazing! But, more often than not, I am underwhelmed and frustrated. I click the left mouse button to fire and there is a noticeable lag to when my character fires his gun. To me, it is unplayable. I hope it gets better but, as of right now, I am cancelling my founders subscription and I was able to buy a Xbox Series X.

OCD and Buying Useless Stuff

I am terrible with money. I get the ooo shiny feeling whenever I see something new that interests me. It is really becoming a problem that I need to reign in.

I don’t fully blame my OCD for this but, it is a big part of it. I tend to research a ton of stuff all the time to keep my mind busy on things other than my intrusive thoughts. Doing this causes me to find something that I want to buy, then, I buy it. It makes me feel like crap because I am taking away chances for my wife and daughter to get things, or even to save.

I have to stop this. This is not good and I need to find another avenue to spend my time. Blowing money is not fair to anyone and I have to get it under control. I am considering canceling my credit cards and going all debit. Can’t spend money with one of those that you don’t have!

Sorry for the ranting. I am just beating myself up over this today. Hopefully, this is a wake up call that will finally get me to change my habits. I am almost feeling like this may be a compulsion. I research to get away from intrusive thoughts, then I buy something to make me feel better. I wonder what my therapist would say about this. Might be time to schedule an appointment.

$GME

Wall Street is a joke. Not that you all didn’t know that already. I love how trading is allowed to be shut down for the little guy while they try and recoup their losses.

These suits took a risk, the risk isn’t going to pan out for them. TOO BAD! Their system is being used against them and I can’t be happier. I am a holder of $GME and because of this whole ordeal, I will be depositing my gains directly into Bitcoin.

Bitcoin is freedom and outside of any government. Wall Street can’t manipulate Bitcoin like they can with stocks. Every Bitcoin dip is a chance to acquire more. I highly recommend anyone to start researching and acquiring some Bitcoin. The future of money is already here. Learn about it, run a node, purchase a ColdCard and begin your self sovereign journey.

https://bitcoinsecurity.guide

Not a Good Day

Not feeling all that well today so, I took off of work. More of a mental health day than anything. Needed a breather away from work stress. Have had a stress headache since last night and I am having a hard time shaking it. COVID sucks because we are doing our part by trying to stay away from public places but, this is rough on my mental state.

I will keep pushing through though. Being with my family is a reward but, I am just tired of looking at four walls in my house. I feel like a prisoner inside of my own home and it is getting really old. I kind of miss going to work. Hopefully, I am scheduled to get my COVID vaccine sooner rather than later. Maybe once most of the public gets one, we all can start going back to normal.

We shall see, I can see this lasting quite a while though. The rollout of vaccinations has been pretty slow. I have been seeing that some places are moving so slow that the vaccines are expiring. That is crazy!

Anyway, I hope you all are doing well. No purpose to this post other than to vent and get my feelings out there.

Bitcoin!

My OCD journey has made me find things to research that do not involve my condition. This has brought me to cryptocurrencies, such as Bitcoin. Now, full disclosure here, I was into crypto before but; I let it fall out of my radar for a long time. I am not an expert but I have had a great time looking into the technology and how Bitcoin works.

I talked to my wife about sending some of our extra money during the month to Bitcoin. She agreed to do it! I also asked my daughter if she wanted me to invest her birthday money in crypto as well. She also said yes! I was super excited by this!

So, my first step was to figure out how to purchase some Bitcoin. The easiest and cheapest way that I had found was to use the Cash App. It is very simple to use but, the only crypto you can purchase is Bitcoin. This could be a negative for some, but I preferred to only invest in one coin.

My research also led me to storage methods for the crypto that we all now held. Most Bitcoiners recommended a hardware wallet. I saw the big names first, Ledger and Trezor. Unfortunately, these two devices had some drawbacks that I could not look past. The Ledger just had two massive data breaches that leaked a ton of their customer’s data, including names, addresses and phone numbers! This freaked me out, crypto is currently the Wild West and I could see how this information could make people who hold Bitcoin extremely nervous. Trezor does not have a secure element, so you can supposedly extract your keys to your crypto with very minimal equipment.

These devices are the most popular wallets, but their drawbacks gave me second thoughts. This led me over to the ColdCard. This device is pure Bitcoin. It is completely air gapped, which is awesome. What I mean by this is it never needs to connect to an internet linked computer. When you send transactions, you pass a MicroSD card back and forth to complete the signing. I will be honest, it is a pain to pass the SD card back and forth, but the security implications are worth it. ColdCard is also coming out with a QR code based wallet in the future. This will eliminate the need to pass the SD card back and forth.

I am no financial professional, but I wanted to share my experience. Bitcoin has given me something to look forward to and research. It has taken my mind off of the negativity of OCD. Plus, I feel good putting my money into something decentralized and immune from policy changes that your typical government controlled paper currencies have.

Twitter's OCD Community

I am not a social networking kind of person. I do, however, find Twitter to be an excellent place to network with fellow OCD sufferers. It has given me a sense of community when I felt all alone. It is actually quite fun to share your OCD stories with each other. The OCD memes on Twitter are hilarious!

That brings me to my next point. Take some time to laugh, even if it is at your condition. I do it all the time. If a harm thought pops in, instead of ruminating, I look at how ridiculous it is. It makes me laugh out loud frequently.

On one of my previous posts, I talked about support systems. I think that definitely applies here. Twitter can definitely be a place to communicate with your fellow OCD sufferers. It is possible to have yourself a support group entirely online. Of course, I wish I didn’t have OCD but; it feels great to be a part of such a tight-knit and supportive community.

I am glad to have technology such as Twitter at my fingertips.

iA Writer is Amazing

I haven’t been blogging for all that long, but once I took it seriously, I knew it was time to get a true writing app. I went through quite a few of them; I was using the stock Wordpress app, I then tried Standard Notes, Ulysses, and now I am onto iA Writer.

Aside from iA Writer, I thought Ulysses was the best. The interface is awesome; it is good to focus on your task at hand, and it helps me take my writing seriously. I was pretty much dead set on using it until I realized it is subscription based. This always makes me feel like I never truly own the product. I hope that they reconsider this in the future.

iA Writer is pretty similar to Ulysses in the interface department. The focus mode is amazing on my MacBook. What you are working on fills the screen and helps eliminate distractions. Another perk is that it publishes directly to Wordpress which is excellent. Ulysses does this as well, but it has a subscription. The big reason I am choosing iA Writer is because it is a onetime purchase. It is $29.99 per device; I had to spend $60 to get my iPhone and MacBook on the app. Ulysses is $49.99 a year. I plan on blogging for longer than a year so the iA Writer purchase is worth it.

I wanted to get my experience out there for all the bloggers that do not have an app they use for their writings. I have found both Ulysses and iA Writer to be great apps, but the monetization scheme of the latter gives iA the edge.

New Year

Good riddance 2020, I am glad you are gone! Hopefully, 2021 will be much better. I have enjoyed working from home but; I am kind of sick of the COVID life.

To my OCD family, if you have not sought treatment, make 2021 the year you do. ERP is excellent and effective. Do yourself a favor and tolerate the pain, it is only temporary. What have you got to lose? If it doesn’t work, you are making your stress tolerance higher. If it does work, you are looking at breaking the chains of OCD. Make treatment your resolution and keep your promise.

My resolution this year is going to be to write more. Writing this blog has been therapeutic. I want to do it daily because it has benefitted me greatly. I hope you all continue to enjoy what I write and keep coming back.

Anyway, have a glorious New Year! Enjoy your life, spend time with your family (within reason because, you know, COVID), and live in the moment. Try not to get caught up in your intrusive thoughts, they are just noise.

Take care,

russ

Mighty Morphin OCD Themes

A big challenge that I continue to face is my OCD rapidly changing themes. As soon as my Harm OCD would go away, I would switch to POCD or HOCD. This sucked big time, but let me tell you, ERP is like chemo. ERP attacks the OCD cancer at its core.

When I started to figure out my harm related thoughts were OCD, I went on a research rampage. I looked up everything related to OCD. This led me down a path of seeing other OCD themes.

These other themes were extremely triggering. I saw POCD, then I went to my daughters day care for a Halloween party. All the kids running around in their costumes got me questioning whether or not I could be a pedophile. I felt awful with myself. I have my own child. How could I worry about something like this. I constantly questioned how I felt. I was on guard all the time, did I have a groinal response? Am I attracted to kids?

Then came more research relating to my new theme. It led me to questioning my sexuality. Was I gay? Am I attracted to that guy in the movie we just watched? I am not against gay people, but this is not who I am. What would be the consequences if I did happen to be gay? Would I have to leave my wife and child? These thoughts horrified me and kept me awake at night.

Eventually, I had enough. I went to actual, good quality OCD therapy. This was a life changer, and like I said, it attacked my OCD as a whole. I felt like I was chipping away at the fortress that OCD had built in my mind.

Stay positive with yourself. Even if your OCD has morphed into many different themes. Therapy can help you with all of these. ERP gives you the tools to fight it all, and succeed.