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russ

Father, husband, OCD sufferer, tech geek, and mental health advocate.

Been a While

Hey everyone, it has been quite some time since I have posted here. I have been super busy, my family and I remodeled our house among other big changes. One of my biggest changes is I switched jobs! I have gotten so used to remote work I did not want to go back into the office, so; I started putting my feelers out there to see if there was anything that I could apply to. Well, I found a full time remote position doing what I really love! Not to get into any details, but this gig is outstanding...
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I am OK with Taking Medication for OCD

When I started my OCD journey, I ended up freaking myself out over the possibility of taking medication. Well, now that I am about 2 years into my journey of healing, I am finally coming to accept it even though my initial reaction was tough. I started taking Zoloft right when I had a major panic attack at work. This terrified me so bad that I wanted to make sure it wouldn’t happen again. My doctor did not explain to me that this stuff takes quite a while to begin to work and that I would need ...
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World of Warcraft: Shadowlands

My wife and I have been fans of World of Warcraft for quite a while. I got her into it back during the Burning Crusade expansion. Life happened though and, we ended up putting it down for a long time. Well, just recently, we decided to jump into the new expansion, Shadowlands. I’ll be honest, I am not sure how I feel about it so far. I mean, it is the same core gameplay of WoW but the story I feel, is meh. I won’t spoil anything for anyone but I am just not getting any good vibes out of it. I h...
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Invincible’s Final Moments Were Rushed

Man, I’m really sad. I finally finished the Invincible comic series and I’m hugely disappointed. A series that started off with a bang, ended with nothing more than a whimper. Invincible drug me right in when I first started reading it. Not only was it different than most comics and superheroes, it tackled some mental health issues. It was quite awesome to see a hero have such heavy weight on his shoulders and actually have his own internal demons he had to face. Well, what caught my attention...
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Invincible Comic Books

It has been a minute since I have updated the blog! Not much going on really, just the normal daily stuff. Anyway, I just wanted to write about the book I have been reading lately and it is the Invincible comic book series. I really am enjoying these comics, I have been reading them on my iPad and they are an awesome and different take on the superhero genre. There are a ton of twists and turns that you really aren’t expecting. Mental health is a huge issue in these comics also. The main chara...
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Burned Out and Lazy

I feel burnt out a bit and I need a serious break. I have noticed that I have been ultra lethargic and lazy since COVID hit. When I am not working, I sit around all day and either play games or look at my phone. Not healthy at all. I made a deal with my wife that I would start doing more physical exercise because that does help with mental health issues. I am just, not in the right state of mind right now. Not really sure what is going on. I am not depressed, my OCD is better than it has been, ...
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Why are Game Developers Releasing Trash?

I love gaming; I prefer it over sitting and watching TV but, times have changed drastically. Games used to be released with little to no bugs, you would pay for a game and you received a mostly bug free experience. Now though, it seems like every new release has devastating bugs that ruin any enjoyment you may have. Yes, Outriders is one of those games. I played last night again, and it went much smoother than before. However, the inventory bug still exists. A loot game that is based on builds ...
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Outriders Might be the Next Anthem

I hate to write a post like this but, Outriders is looking like a fail like Anthem. The core gameplay is excellent, the loot is awesome, and the class variety is great. However, it is not ready for prime time. This game is half baked and full of bugs. First off, the matchmaking is utter crap. Seriously, during your endgame loot runs, you pick join a group for expeditions. No joke, 90% of the games you join, the party leader is AFK. Then, when you get into a game where your party is actually pl...
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Outriders is Struggling

My previous post has shown that I am enjoying the heck out of Outriders and that is 100% true. However, I am having a real hard time with the endgame and matchmaking with other players. Endgame is fun, when it works but, I am having huge issues getting it to run properly. My issues usually pertain to matchmaking itself. I either join a game to get immediately kicked out. This is super annoying. Anyone who plays Outriders, if you do not want people to join your game, please set your game as priv...
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Outriders

Holy crap, Outriders is amazing. I have been playing it for the past 2 days (I used New Zealand as my location on Xbox), and I am enjoying the heck out of it. I already finished the story on one character and I am running through it again on another one. People Can Fly has done an outstanding job with this one. PCF does not have the greatest track record for stories in games. The Bulletstorm story was utter trash. The writing was laughable and, well, it just was not something that I could inves...
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You Can Get Better

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward. This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever ...
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Xbox Series X

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward. This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever ...
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Busy and Teleworking

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward. This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever ...
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Getting Back Into Gaming With OCD

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward. This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever ...
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Outriders on GeForce Now

During my time with OCD, I kept going on in my head, thinking that I would never get better. Please, don’t do that! It is already hard enough trying to focus on treatment and dealing with the day-to-day struggles of OCD. Give yourself a break, let the process work, and keep pushing forward. This was one of my biggest hurdles. Getting out of the mindset that I was going to be scarred by this mental disorder. Every single day, there was a worry that was almost constantly on my mind. “Will I ever ...
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OCD and Buying Useless Stuff

I am terrible with money. I get the ooo shiny feeling whenever I see something new that interests me. It is really becoming a problem that I need to reign in. I don’t fully blame my OCD for this but, it is a big part of it. I tend to research a ton of stuff all the time to keep my mind busy on things other than my intrusive thoughts. Doing this causes me to find something that I want to buy, then, I buy it. It makes me feel like crap because I am taking away chances for my wife and daughter to...
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$GME

Wall Street is a joke. Not that you all didn’t know that already. I love how trading is allowed to be shut down for the little guy while they try and recoup their losses. These suits took a risk, the risk isn’t going to pan out for them. TOO BAD! Their system is being used against them and I can’t be happier. I am a holder of $GME and because of this whole ordeal, I will be depositing my gains directly into Bitcoin. Bitcoin is freedom and outside of any government. Wall Street can’t manipula...
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Not a Good Day

Not feeling all that well today so, I took off of work. More of a mental health day than anything. Needed a breather away from work stress. Have had a stress headache since last night and I am having a hard time shaking it. COVID sucks because we are doing our part by trying to stay away from public places but, this is rough on my mental state. I will keep pushing through though. Being with my family is a reward but, I am just tired of looking at four walls in my house. I feel like a prisoner i...
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Bitcoin!

My OCD journey has made me find things to research that do not involve my condition. This has brought me to cryptocurrencies, such as Bitcoin. Now, full disclosure here, I was into crypto before but; I let it fall out of my radar for a long time. I am not an expert but I have had a great time looking into the technology and how Bitcoin works. I talked to my wife about sending some of our extra money during the month to Bitcoin. She agreed to do it! I also asked my daughter if she wanted me to i...
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Twitter's OCD Community

I am not a social networking kind of person. I do, however, find Twitter to be an excellent place to network with fellow OCD sufferers. It has given me a sense of community when I felt all alone. It is actually quite fun to share your OCD stories with each other. The OCD memes on Twitter are hilarious! That brings me to my next point. Take some time to laugh, even if it is at your condition. I do it all the time. If a harm thought pops in, instead of ruminating, I look at how ridiculous it is. ...
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iA Writer is Amazing

I haven’t been blogging for all that long, but once I took it seriously, I knew it was time to get a true writing app. I went through quite a few of them; I was using the stock Wordpress app, I then tried Standard Notes, Ulysses, and now I am onto iA Writer. Aside from iA Writer, I thought Ulysses was the best. The interface is awesome; it is good to focus on your task at hand, and it helps me take my writing seriously. I was pretty much dead set on using it until I realized it is subscription ...
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New Year

Good riddance 2020, I am glad you are gone! Hopefully, 2021 will be much better. I have enjoyed working from home but; I am kind of sick of the COVID life. To my OCD family, if you have not sought treatment, make 2021 the year you do. ERP is excellent and effective. Do yourself a favor and tolerate the pain, it is only temporary. What have you got to lose? If it doesn’t work, you are making your stress tolerance higher. If it does work, you are looking at breaking the chains of OCD. Make treatm...
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Mighty Morphin OCD Themes

A big challenge that I continue to face is my OCD rapidly changing themes. As soon as my Harm OCD would go away, I would switch to POCD or HOCD. This sucked big time, but let me tell you, ERP is like chemo. ERP attacks the OCD cancer at its core. When I started to figure out my harm related thoughts were OCD, I went on a research rampage. I looked up everything related to OCD. This led me down a path of seeing other OCD themes. These other themes were extremely triggering. I saw POCD, then I w...
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Support Systems

I was hospitalized for my OCD in 2019, and I distinctly remember creating a crisis plan. This plan included naming my support group. I named three people, my mom and dad, and my wife. They all were with me through the thick of it, and I felt comfortable adding them to my list of people that I could rely on. Even if you have never been hospitalized, try and put together a support system for yourself. I have found it invaluable to have a few people who know my condition and what it entails. This ...
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OCD Helped Me Quit Alcohol and Coffee

OCD has been a struggle for me for the past year. There were moments that I felt like giving up, and there were moments of triumph. I wish OCD upon no one, but one thing it helped me do was quit alcohol and caffeine. I never was a big drinker, but when I did drink, I ended up over consuming. I would get depressed and down on myself as a result. I wasn’t always this way, but right before my OCD revealed itself, it had gotten out of control. Alcohol was not my only crutch. I was also addicted to...
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Always Practice Exposure and Response Prevention

I am writing this post while sitting at a huge water park. This experience is very triggering. In my introductory post on this platform, I stated which types of OCD I had and one of them is POCD. This is where you are afraid that you could be a pedophile. More info about this condition is located here: https://www.madeofmillions.com/ocd/pedophilia-ocd Needless to say, being at a water park like this is a tough endeavor. There are kids everywhere and all this does is increase the frequency of my...
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M1 MacBook Pro

So, I just purchased a new MacBook Pro from Apple and I must say, WOW! This laptop has the new M1 chip and I seriously cannot believe how fast this machine is. I don't know all of the terms and stuff for talking about computers but I can tell you from experience, that this thing is on a whole new level. I took it out of the box and this being my first MacBook, I was astounded by the build quality. This thing looks and feels incredible. It has some heft to it, and the all aluminum body just feel...
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Telework, COVID, and OCD

II have been blessed to have a job during this rough time of a pandemic. I have been teleworking for around 8 or 9 months and there is no end in sight. I enjoy teleworking slightly, but it is tough sometimes. I miss seeing my coworkers, and I miss having lunch with them and making trips to the coffeepot. One day we all will get back to normal and our kids will go back to school, we will see family, and we can make trips to concerts or see our families during the holidays. My family attends a ho...
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Don't Compulsively Resarch!

One thing I made the mistake of doing during my OCD journey was compulsively researching. What I mean by this is, I would go online to read about OCD and look up things that made me feel better about my situation. This may seem like a great idea in the moment of panic, but all you are doing is seeking reassurance. I have said it before; reassurance is like gasoline to a fire that is already ablaze. I think in the internet's age, most people do some kind of health research. Everyone I know uses ...
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Going Zero Waste

In my house we use tons of plastic. Not on purpose, but it has just been a fact of our lives until recently. We tried the recycling route once but when we saw our trash company dump our recycling contents into the regular trash truck we gave up. Now however, we have been slowly but surely going towards zero waste products as much as we can. So far, we have made the switch to three items in our house that we use quite a bit of. The first one we switched was our toothpaste! According to the Bite...
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