Updates 4/18/22

Today was a mildly productive day. I woke up at 2 pm, so there wasn't much day to begin with, so idk. The realization that UIL regionals is this Friday, only 6 days away really put some energy in me. I think I'm going to start doing three practice sessions everyday up til Friday. I'm not sure how much practice I'll do on Friday as a decent amount of the time will be spent traveling and probably doing something in San Antonio. The plan is to do a timed practice in the morning, flashcards in the noon, and untimed practice before bed. Yesterday one of the dares was to call someone and tell them you have a crush on them. Someone else got it, but it'd be very out of character if I got and did that dare. For the person that got it though it seemed very incharacter of them. They also made the conversation seem so rehearsed or, though I hate to be unoriginal, phony. I do find it funny though that ranks 1 and 2 are just at a party; it seems like such a subversion of stereotypes of the valedictorian and salutatorian and attests to the impossibility of meritocracy. I also have a chemistry test tomorrow, and this is imo the hardest unit. I probably am not going to get a raw 100. I've only gotten 2 so far, last test and the first test.

In Crime and Punishment, I'm now on chapter 1 of part 5. I found this chapter hard to believe, as Porfiry just seems to accept Nikolai's "confession" so readily as such a heavy implication of Rodya as the murderer. I truly get the feeling that Porfiry hired him, but I'm not quite sure. On one hand, Porfiry admits to Nikolai's speech sounding unnatural (as it would if Porfiry hired him, some random painter who likely has little acting skills) and was waiting for someone for a lot of the meeting. On the other, why would Porfiry say that the painter sounds unnatural and when could he have planned and arranged this? I also reread chapter 5 part 4, and the idea of Rodya's ego being his ultimate failure was further cemented in my mind. I did have a thought about Porfiry though: what does he believe? It was previously stated that he really is trying to get into Rodya's mind (as Porfiry believes Rodya to be guilty and Porfiry is the investigator for this case) and some parts of the meeting stuck out to me like Porfiry has no true beliefs of his own, as if he only gets into the minds of his victims to do his job. I think I'll reread other conversations with him.