Sunday morning coming down
Today is my weekly weigh-in for Weight Watchers for my wife and I. As I’ve said in past posts, I’ve taken on moving more and eating less in the last week or so and I’m hoping to have lost weight this week. I gained last week, which isn’t any great surprise, but it did disappoint me in a new sort of way-which is likely the reason I took on my moving more and eating less.
I am mentally struggling this morning whether these little exercises are doing anything positive for me-or whether this is another demonstration of mental masturbation and self congratulatory behavior. I think I am expecting too much of it at the moment-I tend to set myself to be disappointed and then berate myself for being naive etc etc. It’s the way I defeat myself before I start. The biggest difference for me is that I seem to be putting what I say into action instead of overthinking/self-defeat which feels like a nice change. It’s interesting that I assume that being a good person/good with my word will magically change me in some fundamental way and fix me. That is funny to me since I’m a great believer in nobody is really broken, we’re all fully complete and perfect beings carrying emotional baggage that limits our expression of ourselves. But if only I was who the world thinks I am will it fix me; that’s pretty funny-ironic, but funny.
I plan to go to my step-daughters house today to smudge it (smudging is the act of emotionally cleansing a place by ‘washing’ it with the smoke from a burning sage plant) because my grand daughter has been seeing scary shadows/spirits in their house. I’m happy to do it for them-but it feels strange to be called on to do this when I haven’t been following my own teachings on the matter. I have Native American blood in me and was given the teachings of the Ojibwe nation when I lived in Toronto. As I’ve mentioned before, I put down a lot of who I’ve been in order to be Somebody in this world, but coming back around to it feels good and proper, like I’ve come home. I smudged my own house yesterday and I’ve felt calmer and more relaxed since I did it (which is entirely the point of it). In the past I probably would have treated the request as a burden but I genuinely don’t feel that way today. Which is pretty cool. 🙂