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So I'm not a big fan of rollercoasters, nor am I really a fan of horror movies (but slasher stuff is fun when I'm in the mood). I just don't enjoy the act of feeling afraid, not that these things actually scare me; maybe the issue is I can't suspend my disbelief to think these things are scary. Scary to me is losing the love of my life or seeing a loved one suffer or something beyond my control. Rollercoasters are not dangerous-or shouldn't be really; they can be thrilling but not scary. The re...

Again-a while since I last posted and technically the first time posting to this new platform. As my dear reader has guessed, I took the posts from another platform and transposed the scribblings here for a couple of reasons, the largest being ease of entry. Though this platform is different than the last-I'm hoping to better like the anonymity than the last one. It's interesting that this exercise in writing is taking its own shape outside of what I intended. I don't really remember what the ...

A wisp of inspiration It’s been a while since I last posted, but that’s how this goes. I write when I’m motivated or when I’m inspired-this is the latter of those times. I watched a movie about a quirky high school kid who was paid to write a letter to a girl from a guy who was sweet but not that swift and/or deep. The question of belief in god came up and how the main character didn’t believe-blah blah blah. It occurred to me that the line between believing and not believing is so thin. I was...

Reinforcing choices I wanted to ruminate today about who we think we are. I was reminded recently that most (maybe all) of what we believe ourselves to be are choices and we remain that as long as we continue to make that choice. That’s probably why I liked moving somewhere new because I was able to make new choices without the perceived burden of someone else’s expectations. I was free to make new choices and be something different. There is a big difference between saying I am 44 years old a...

New start So, I’ve been belly-aching pretty hard since I started this little fun-time writing project and I’m kinda tired of being that way. Maybe it took me to see it in writing to recognize how toxic I’m being with myself. I took some days off to try and regain perspective and get myself on a path that is at least constructive. I find I can be fairly intense about some thing and can let myself get super-focused on what I think I should do but not actually pay attention to how I react to doin...

The voices we all hear… I’ve been making changes and following through with them (most of them) and find myself still constantly grappling with hopelessness and ineffectiveness. I suppose I assumed that would change or maybe lessen over time, but here I am still doing what I said I would simply because I said it. I don’t mean to say I don’t enjoy doing them while they’re happening (most of the time) but the amount of struggle to do something simple like take a walk at lunch is more significant...

I spent the day working, but I tend to take some time out of the day to distract myself and follow my interests; such as cooking or gaming or books. I tend to flit from topic to topic to rest my brain from doing things I don’t find all that interesting. Today, I watched a video concerning the Lord of the Rings story, specifically the part within the Fellowship of the Ring that concerns Tom Bombadil. The person who created the video (whom I highly recommend-Matt Colville) spoke about how he real...

Sunday morning coming down Today is my weekly weigh-in for Weight Watchers for my wife and I. As I’ve said in past posts, I’ve taken on moving more and eating less in the last week or so and I’m hoping to have lost weight this week. I gained last week, which isn’t any great surprise, but it did disappoint me in a new sort of way-which is likely the reason I took on my moving more and eating less. I am mentally struggling this morning whether these little exercises are doing anything positive f...

A rolling stone gathers… I’ve been making changes in my life lately that surprises me. As I alluded to in yesterday’s post, I struggle with imposter-syndrome coupled with anxiety and fear of looking stupid. The combination of these three things have kept me in a stalemate of inaction that creates further discouraging thoughts that keep me sad/angry/whatever. I am not meaning to sound like a sad-sack, think of this as more of a putting things outside of my head so I can put them down. As an exa...

Starting is never the hardest part… When it comes to these sorts of endeavors (blogging or websiting or writing) I tend to have a lot of beginning energy and allow distractions to split my focus. I, like I assume every other aspiring someone, have the best intentions and come out of the gate like a flaming cheetah of spirit and the next day talk myself out of continuing or allow whatever silent recriminations I make up to convince myself that it’s pointless and what I do/create/am doesn’t matte...