A day to drop it..

..just drop it. It is very simple to say AND to do: just DROP iT. But It does not.

I am just not sure how to deal with all this.

I mean, with the news I had yesterday, trying to insure my car, it looks like my trucking days are over for the next three years.

Around a thousand canadian dollars per year to insure me on a 2009 car, bought in 2018, a Mazda 3 GS, value of about three to five hundred dollars, not listed in the black book.. I mean, FUCK THE BiG WHAT?? Are you.. how we say this again.. oh yeah.. FUCKiNG CRAZY?

I do not want to be the boss who will have to insure me on a truck. Holly fuck he is gonna jump and freak out.

Once you get your trucking license, there is a thirthy-six months period required by insurances companies to charge a regular insurance price. If you do not have your license since three years, a surcharge is added as a protection against new drivers. This "prime" can triple up the amount of your insuraces. I do not have my ,icense for at least thirty-six months.

I will have to target big places, big companies Tehy do not care really about insurances price, because they hire a lots of new drivers so they are sort of ready for this. I do not really like these companies where employees are generic numbers. I do not know a lots of them around here either. Moving near? I mean.. I save hundreds of dollars in rent each month already. Why leave?

No, the money saved in rent can not compensate for my insurances. Even there, if it can for my car and I can pay high prices for three or four years, I mean, it does not change the fact that I am a pain in the ass to insure on a truck.

Oh, I can not have a car for now, so I have to be able to go at work using other ways. Find a job which let me bring back my truck at home each night? Not in big companies. What about the maintenance? I can do basic stuff, but there's a weekly maintenance to do on a truck and it is very important to do.

I could ride the highways. But what about my animal here? I did not do all this to ride the highways. I can not go for days. I need to come back home each day. I can not bring my animal with me on the road; unthinkable.

Why not another job? Why? I like driving dump trucks. I knew what I wanted to drive before doing my courses. I want this to be profitable. I have a student loan to refund. Difference of salary can be ten to fifteen dollars more per hour than the minimum wage and.. Can I get a fucking life, instead of a job, for once!?!? CAN i??? PLEASE!!!

I just can not drop it for now. It spins in my head, trying to find a solution and do not want to let go.

I understand why it is harassing, after all it is all about my future here. Find a solution to avoid fights I do not want and/or need.

-FBF

*** UPDATE: AN HOUR LATER, DURiNG AN HOUR ***

Actually, there is a solution but I do not like it. Self-employeed, entertainment/production business.

I do not really like the first part, being self-employeed, however I am sure I can do it. It will be hard, mostly at the beginning, to establish the structure and all of it, but I can do it and, on the long run, build something strong.

The second part is where I hesitate the most. After all, this is what I know best, in which I have perform my very best, since I started doing it, paid, sort of or not at all.

I was fourteen when I got my two Technic turn-tables SL1210 mk2 charcoal and started to build a sound system to spin dance music in a free room in the house. I made a deal with a friend to procure twelve inches vinyls so we can party around, making our friends dance. Unfortunately, an asshole tried everything he ccan to stop me.. and he did.

I am sure some DJs regretted to do some weddings. I was seven, height I think when one of them asked me how did I knew it was the good timing to ask the song I was asking in my many requests (I knew them all). This was my first lesson as a DJ: song planning. I did not understand all of it, but enough to figure out what it was meaning.

At 29 this asshole admitted he tried everything to get me out of this domain, but I was too much in. It was in my blood. I could not live without it.

But I am burned now, since years. I like to do this, but I do not have the energy needed, requested to do this anymore. I also do not want to be a public figure anymore.

Going back in radio? Oufffff.. nope! It can be fun, but very hard. I need to go back and do some hours on the field. I can not do it around here for sure, I will have to move far away.

What about online?? It goes AGAiNST ALL MY VALUES in online entertainment.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I was told more then once that I would be a very good sales man because I do not like sales man (woman included). Some are trained with technics to catch your attention and quickly influence your decision. Those, I do not like.

Can I be a good online entertainment producer, be different and use it as an income, without going against all my basic and values in online entertainment?

I know Twitch streamers doing this fair and square, but it is not something they have made in a week or two. It is a work of a year, maybe more before it is a part-time job reliable income.

Web radio? Pass.. no monyey to do there, only to spend.

For now, I have a very basic monthly income, that can be in jeopardy if I get caught doing something else. It is not big, but it covers needs. I am not sure, not confident that I can cover half of it, doing this.

-FBF