Stopped at the right time..

..I hope so.

I had that message on my voicemail when I woke up yesterday afternoon after a long nap, sleeping on what is going on and maybe dream about the perfect solution.

A message from the previous social worker I was meeting with, once a week. I ended the meetings because I was not sleeping at the end, doing nightmares.

Imagine, I am far behind that point now.

I spent twenty-five minutes last week with someone, on the phone, answering questions, updating my file, tha reasons why I was asking for a new social worker, so it can be submitted right away.

So, in this message of about two minutes and a half, she is saying she wants to fix a one hour appointment with me to update my file so SHE CAN EVALUATE if I really need a change of social worker.

First, there is ONLY 1 PERSON that can evaluate if you can be my social worker and iT iS ME. You can want to help me as you wish, if I do not want your help, it is helpless.

Second, what about all the notes that have been taken by the nurse, taking the call then? She did it. I heard the keyboard, she stopped me once in a while so she can note correctly. What about this VERY iMPORTANT DETAiL: no contact with Mr FBF by the previous social worker?

Third, so start over again, then, maybe, if SHE DECIDES iT, star over again with a new one.. then what? Start over agan when? where? I talked about this with the nurse when I called.

So this parttern of starting over again and again was coming back at me.

I tried, not once but TWiCE with you and check where I am today. I would not be this way if our appoointment were doing something good. No E=mc² here; simple 1-1=0.

Her voice was not showing confidence at all. It was shaking, she was lost in what she wanted to say, looking for words. I think she knew she was not suppose to call me, but she did anyway, challenging me, KNOWiNG what my reaction will be..

..well, right. Called back, got - as usual - her voicemail. Left a message explaining I was not interested to start over again and again and again. Thanks anyway!

There re a lots of people on the waiting list.. if they can easily get rid of one, why not?

So go back to square one.. no fourteen days ago.

-FBF