2. feb. 2026

The earth quakes.

They say things have to get worse to get better. The Universe is taking the first bit a little too seriously at the moment... They want to dose my conscious into compliance.

I've spent a lot of time thinking the past weeks, and i came to a bit of a brick wall. Most things I do are fear driven. I'm purely taking an education, because if i didn't I wouldn't be able to find a job, then I can't earn money to buy shit, then I'm gonna be nothing and get nowhere. And if I absolutely have to be alive I at least want to be able to /live/. I hate my stupidly high justice system (batman meme (sorry lol)). Nothing in the world at the moment is fair and just. We are all so far out of our elements and non of us /really/ know what we are doing. Everyone are so stressed and freaking out all the time and the answers to that are for some god damn reason to "buy this product to help reduce your stress in just 1 hour!", "try this new diet with 0 cal. 0 joy, low fat and low carb, gives you all the energy and capitalistic mindsets you need to become yet another slave to this society!!!". STOP MAKING NEW SHIT. WE DON'T WANT OR NEED IT. STOP MAKING THINGS GO FASTER WE CAN'T FUCKING PROCESS IT! We just need to stop and look around, ground ourselves, take a breath. Really think! Is whatever it is you're doing what you want to spend your time on or is it what you think you "should" because everyone else are doing it. I get that we are flock animals, but this is going too far. Our bodies and minds are freaking out because we are killing ourselves like this. We are going against our survival systems that are ingrained in every fiber of our being.
What if the people you are striving to be like is just like you and is also looking at someone else for direction, and in the end it's just a big circle of directionless people looking at the person who seem the most confident in their actions?
I have spent a fair few hours watching whale documentaries (they are seriously cool creatures and will forever love them more than humans) and another thing hit me; whales have more compassion and empathy then a lot of prominente humans do. Both literally and figuratively. Some whales "empathy/compassion center" in their brain is just a lot bigger then in a human even though the brain sizes isn't significantly different. That's fucking stupid to me. Why can a whale be more emotionally mature then a human leading millions of others and whom is responsible for said lives???!?!?!!? It's not fair.
This was a bit of a side tangent, but it needed to be said regardless. I'm tired of being driven by fear. I want to feel true passion towards something and not just do it out of obligation. I want to do things because /I/ want to do it. I want to do so many things, I have the fire for it, I can feel it in my gut. It's practically eating me alive. I want to love and make art, have those incredible special bonds with an animal (specifically a horse (they are the best, I'm not biased lol)), climb mountains and let the earth take away my breath with it's natural state. I want to see what is truly beautiful, to see what this stupidly small chance that is life's existence and evolution can make. I want to use this body we have evolved to have, to express, to feel. I don't want to live forever, when my body is done and tired and I'm satisfied with my experience here on this little rock I'm gonna give myself back to the earth, let all the worms and bugs hollow out my eyes and skull, give what i have left to give to the little organisms that started it all. I'm not gonna be trapped in a box for my whole life just to die and be buried in someone else's old grave spot because the family stopped paying for it. I'm not gonna give my conscious to a fictive figure in the sky. I'm gonna give myself to what I can see and feel.

Go /listen/ to The book of love by Peter Gabriel you disconnected poor fool, and remember to love like the whales or be dumb (it's up to you).

• Sincerely from the deepest pits of the Void :)