you get rewarded for being greedy sometimes - an iap update

"There was one time when you were a little kid, you had your arms full, trying to carry too many things at once. And then they fell out of your hands and you would cry," my mom told me over winter break. I can imagine clearly my 5-year-old self, tears streaming down her face, trying desperately to hold onto everything. An apt metaphor.

When you're at MIT, you find yourself trying to do more and more things. I mean, the people that admissions want are the overachievers, and when the people around you are doing that, you feel like you're falling behind if you don't do the same (feeling behind and overachieving is two sides of the same coin - I want to write a post on ego sometime). It's a vicious cycle for some. Less vicious for others. It's something that you have to learn to deal with, I think. Anyways, that is all to say that this IAP, I found myself doing too much again.

Initially, my DRP was really the only big commitment that I wanted to have. I wanted a chill IAP, where I could also have the time to work on my own math (reading Vakil), and also just to spend time with myself because I realized that I haven't really been doing that the previous semester.

"Your selflessness will be your downfall."

As I mentioned in my previous update, I signed up for web lab with a friend. Initially, I really just wanted to watch the lectures so I understand enough HTML and CSS in order to create my own blog website at some point. And then, well you can read it in my previous post (link, only this time I actually remember to link the appropriate posts) (https://listed.to/@angelofd3sth/58572/update-first-week-of-iap).

Anyways, we came up with a cool ideal (which you can check out at battlelingo.onrender.com) since language-learning and typing games was on my mind. Then, we went on to work on the website. It ended up so well that we won 4th at weblab with a prize of 1500 total. What do you know, you get rewarded.

Other things that I've been doing over IAP: My UROP is chill and we didn't really do anything for most of IAP since the other person that I was supposed to work with was affected by the Palisades fire (I hope everyone/everyone who knows someone who is affected are safe) so that got pushed back a bit. Again, it's chill.

Cabaret was pretty chill too, I didn't need to put in time outside of rehearsal and I didn't really need to. I don't spend that much time playing and during one of the shows, I watched 4 or 5 episodes of Re:Zero. That was pretty crazy. On the other days, I do homework, work on my DRP, etc.

My yoga class was so silly goofy. I decided to sleep through one of the lessons because I thought that we could have one absence, but I didn't realize that because we didn't have class on MLK day, we actually didn't have any absences allowed. So I had to do a makeup on the last week of IAP, which was when I had my weblab project due, DRP presentations to make, and a bunch of REU apps to write. Oh and my Harvard class had started. Yeah, that was not it. I was so sleep deprived that week. Anyways, I went to the other yoga section and was surprised at how different it was. The instructor was quizzing the students on the yoga poses that they had learned. All I had to do in my class was follow the instructor.

"The problem with you is that you're greedy. You think you can have it all when you really don't. I have a hard time feeling empathetic towards your position because you put yourself where you are. These are the consequences of your decisions."

Speaking of REU apps, I GOT INTO MY FIRST CHOICE!!! It's the USF REU in Cryptography and Coding Theory (or something like that). I'm really happy that I did because I've been interested in cryptography for a while, though I haven't really learned too much, and when I talked to the program director, he told me that he had a project in mind that involved algebraic curves, which is exactly what I want to study!!!!!!!! It'll be pure math research on stuff that I'm actually interested in. On top of that, it has a label that I can sell to my parents (who think I'm going to industry or something, even after I go to math grad school). On top on top of that, it was the first REU I applied to, which means I don't have to apply to any more REUs!!!

And that's really the biggest news haha. Suck it to all of you haters (dear friends of mine who I treasure deeply) who tell me that I'm doing too much. That's really just the punchline of the post. Winning web lab and getting into my first choice REU.

But I was thinking about this for a while. It seems to me that all the time where I've been rewarded unexpectedly has been times where I've worked really really hard, to the point of tears and breakdowns, forcing myself to put in more because I believe that I need to for some reason or another. The reason is usually not just passion, but also fear. I think that's what drives a lot of people here.

People always seem to tell you to rest when they see that you're working hard, and you generally don't take that advice. I've always wondered if I should rest like what I've been told, but then I get rewarded like this. I think that's why it's hard to take advice like that. Perhaps we've all learned that we get rewarded for doing more than we think we can. More that anyone thinks we can. Even if every week, every day, we're just thinking to ourselves "I just need to make through today." Each day that you make it through adds up over time, and you'll look back and find that you've built something good.

I don't want to think that I'm just lucky in getting the prizes and rewards that I've had. Well, I'm not lucky in the sense that these prizes just fell in my hands from the sky. I'm lucky that I seem to know where to work in order to get these prizes that seem to fall out of the sky, but is really a result of hard work in the past. I mean, that's what I feel about getting into MIT. I really didn't think I had a chance, I just realized that I had no will doing things I don't want to do, and kept doing things that I did.

Anyways, I want to end by saying that I'm so grateful for everything, and most especially the people in my life. Thank you everyone who's been with me so far. Those quotes I've included are from people who I appreciate dearly, who are real to me and tell me things about myself that they think I should work on. They're really not mean people at all! You should find yourself friends who can tell you things like that. I'm so happy that I've had the opportunities that I've had. I'll continue to work hard. You should too!

Onwards to a new semester of definitely not overloading myself!