life update - 3/26

hi hi hi hi gang, my bad i've been gone, there's just been life lately

Well, there are some changes that happened this semester that I'm still adapting to. New problems, old problems, have been popping up (in relation to my mind, I don't mean people at least).

So it's spring break right now, and I suppose we're like halfway through the semester? Crazy how time flies. I'm sitting at a cafe (Bloc cafe) and I just demolished the best egg sandwich I've ever had in my life, and I told myself that I am going to write.

I think I wrote a while ago about serving other people [https://listed.to/@angelofd3sth/53884/life-changing-realization]. cough people pleaser cough. That's nice and all, but it's easy to burn out when you're doing that. Am I burning out right now? Well, I wouldn't say that. I'd say it's just some of the problems that one would face naturally with this paradigm of being so other-centric. It's a cost you have to pay to reap the benefits.

Anyways, perhaps not maintaining my blog is a symptom of me not focusing on myself enough. I've barely journaled, too. Or ran. There's been a lot of changes this semester compared to the previous ones, but at the same time, I welcome those changes.

But I have an obligation to you, the reader! You, the many friends I have, who read my posts. Perhaps even the occasional passing stranger.

So, how has my life been lately?

• I hurt my foot walking somehow, so I can't really walk without pain. For the first couple days of break, I was just rotting in my dorm. My foot is better now, so I've been going out despite the fact that it still hurts.
• I went to Ray Chen's concert in Boston and I got an autograph and a picture. As I heard a friend describe it, it was a very "fiery" rendition of Tchaik. It was inspiring in a way. I want to be more of a musician. Have I practiced much over break? Not really, because it's hard. It's okay though, I'm working on it, like I'm working on many things. One of the (many) drafts that I have is about how I could have been a clarinetist in another life, and I should write it sometime.
• I've been cooking more. I wanted to also write a third (I think?) cooking update. In general, I want to write a post about the stuff that I've learned about maturing, and I think the improvements that I've made cooking-wise is a good analogy. It is in my mind at least. I also just need to write that post about maturity that I have cooking up in the back of my mind.
• More broadly, I feel like a theme for my sophomore year is maturing and hearing the voice telling me "how is this going to help you solve the problem" whenever I start crying over stuff, and then I just have to gather myself and move through. fucking hate life, hate how there's nothing we can do except power through. That's a lesson you can only learn when you live by yourself, I realized. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE SUMMER WHERE I GET TO LIVE BY MYSELF FOR TWO MONTHS AND IT WILL BE IN FLORIDA I WILL BE HITTING THE BEACHES EVERYDAY

Anyways yeah, those are just some things that are going on. I realized that my writing skills have probably gone down. Oh, and also my typing speed. It's no longer 150 :( It's like closer to 120-130, which is so slow. Sigh. Time to write more to get that back.