January 23, 2021•217 words
I'm trying to figure out my goals for the longer-term - a year, two years, etc. I'm having a more difficult time than I expected, though, since I'm not sure what I would find fulfilling. I'm imagining myself looking back on 2021 and thinking about what I did, imagining that I'd accomplished various things and gauging my own reactions to them.
The problem here is that I don't know what I'll be like in a year. In the same way that you can't just make a learning plan for a subject you don't know anything about—you don't know what you don't know yet—it's difficult to create a plan for a year you haven't experienced, and for someone that you don't actually know.
I think some of my hesitation here also comes from an arbitrary fear that I'm not really living my life as others are. I'm supposed to be enjoying a time of "exploration" and I'm spending a lot of said time trying to get my life organized. I'm worried that I'm going to look back on my earlier life and be sad that I spent it trying to act older than I was.
I don't know, man. I'm conflicted about all this. I'm sure it's also partly the night talking.
See you tomorrow for #41.