March 12, 2021•215 words
I've been feeling a lot more anger than normal this week. My expectations of the world - that things shouldn't suck - obviously show my immaturity, and these expectations are causing me problems, I guess.
Everything just seems to be going so fucking wrong. Schedules aren't matching up, I'm having to make decisions I don't want to make, I'm being bogged down by meaningless bullshit, I'm not getting what I expected out of my school. Two of my classes are absolute shit, and every single thing the teacher does seems to piss me off. People are uncooperative, I have to go to events and be engaging and such, I have to wake up early, I have to prepare for two tests next week, I haven't had time to relax, etc etc etc etc etc etc. My usual mechanism for getting perspective, zooming out and thinking about the world and how insignificant I am, just makes me even more angry at this point, since I think about how fucking stupid people are and the fact that humanity will probably end up destroying itself.
It's not useful for me to be angry about these things. That doesn't mean that I feel like I can help it. I feel plain anger when all I want is peace.