Note 18

So uh, I may have skipped an entire month. Looking back though, it was pretty uneventful. I just did the same thing over and over again for a month. I'm almost positive that my brain has rotted a bit from that haha.

I'm still waiting on college decisions even though it's been almost two months. Which I suppose is still reasonable but my anxiety says no. Ah well, I suppose I have gotten two decisions but I expected no's from them: Stanford and MIT. They were long shots anyway and I didn't want to regret not applying since there's always that small, small, small, ... well basically 0 percent chance that I get in but it's not completely 0 so... Still waiting on Northwestern, Rice, and Johns Hopkins. My anxiety is pretty much just through the roof and it's ridiculously hard to focus on anything else. I just want to know, you know?

I've decided that I'll drop out of my current university and attend community college next year if transferring doesn't pan out. It just makes way more sense financially and it'll help offset the massive debt that I racked up this year. Honestly, giving no financial aid to out of state students is just ridiculous. Understandable, but ridiculous.

In terms of coding, I'm learning Java this quarter and it's significantly more different than python. I definitely understand now how some programmers can pick up a new language pretty quickly, well probably besides lower level languages (assembly) that seems pretty difficult even for experienced coders. Java seems pretty cool I guess. Well, I'm not really a fan to be honest. There's so much like extra bits and pieces about java that kind of gets "known" in python. I'm finding that I really really like python.

I've been starting to learn machine learning. It seems like a really interesting challenge and something I'm really interested in learning. I'm not really sure whether to start using libraries like tensorflow/pytorch/keras etc. before doing more base level machine learning beforehand. I'm just starting with some basic tutorials and I'll try to make a simple project with that during the summer.

I also have to start thinking about internships and such, which sounds like such a pain. I still have yet to take a data structures and algorithms course which is pretty integral to programming (at least to my knowledge). So I guess I'll be learning that over the summer and trying to make some big project that utilizes it (maybe? idk the course).

--rant--
my anxiety is through the fucking roof with these college decisions and honestly fuck them. im so fucking done with these schools sitting on their fucking asses and not releasing them. there's no reason after reading 40 thousand applicants over the course of 2 months that you can't take like a week break, come back and read another 500-2k applicants and move the fuck on. like it's ridiculous. how are you going to tell me to my face that you don't know when the decisions are being released. there's no fucking chance in hell that you're not done with reading them. you literally are given the same amount of time from january to march, and then from march to may. like is it that hard? because from what i can tell, it's not even like they spend much time reading applications and decide pretty quickly. what a fucking pain. i just want my decision man. that's all im asking for. i literally couldn't care if i get rejected everywhere, i just want to know.