Note 75

Rejected again. At this point I'm truly just frustrated. It's exhausting both mentally and physically to apply to jobs. Getting my hopes up at all just to have them drop to nothing time after time is so difficult. Having to work and study is difficult as well. I don't really know where to go from here.

It would be so easy (but also difficult!) to switch to a field in medicine. But that's not what I want to do. Yes the straightforward path is appealing, yes the status that telling people you're a doctor/even in med school is appealing, yes the ability to heal patients is appealing, but that's just not what I want to do at this stage in my life.

Fact of the matter is that I don't want to give up what I have for something where I start from zero. Medicine requires full commitment, and that would mean giving up many of the things that I've done so far, as well as most of if not all of my free time. I think there's benefits to starting from scratch but that's not what I want to do.

So I suppose the question becomes where do I go from here. Looking at my situation, I am thankful to be working A job, have a home to come back to and food to eat. Bless. I have one interview left, and I'll probably study lightly for it. I'll probably dive a bit deeper into actually combining my skills with my hobbies. I have a couple ideas in mind, although one isn't much of a combination.

I wish things were easier, but I can't go back to the past or dwell on it for too long. Time, unfortunately, ceaselessly marches forward.