December 17, 2019•243 words
I'm committed to self-actualization.
Some people realized early in their lives that they wanted to be pianists or engineers. It took me decades to recognize it, but my call has been self-actualization since an early age. I grew up in a dysfunctional family (haven't we all?). I was miserable sometimes, but I always knew that there was a better way. I wouldn't put it that way at the time, but I had an intuitive understanding and belief in what Buddha identified as the Four Noble Truths, namely, that although pain is real, pain is not our identity, and pain can be removed if we work on the path to liberate ourselves from pain. I have never wavered on my faith that personal change is possible, that better is always within reach. This has been a double-edge sword, though, because I'm always thirsty, I'm always wondering why I'm not two steps ahead of where I am. In an interview, Questlove describes how he's always chasing an ideal that he always feels outside of his grasp. This drives him to evolve constantly, but it's also a source of constant pain. That's where I am. I am disappointed at myself because I squandered a lot of time today. I feel like I've been making progress, but I get frustrated when my progress does not follow a straight line, sometimes I don't even know what progress means.
That's where I am today.
At least I wrote.