OSaD, D62

After more than ten years meditation, I still feel anxiety, fear and self-loathing from time to time. When does this happen? When I let my mind run the show. Horace, a celebrated poet in Ancient Rome, said "Rule your mind or it will rule you."
There are two ways to fight against anxiety: internally and externally. The effect of external remedies, such as drugs, talking to a friend and therapy, is temporary. The internal way of fighting against anxiety is to learn how not to let your mind run the show.

I'm not saying that prescription drugs or a friend who listens are bad, but the reality is that we cannot count on our friends answering the phone at any time of the day and the medicines have their side effects and limitations.

The mind loves to ask questions for which there is no objective answer. "Am I attractive? Will I be safe tomorrow? What is the purpose of life?" Why does the mind do this? Well, we can add that question to the list. The mind does this because sometimes it just does. Maybe it's just a trick by God to show us how intellectual inquiry is ineffective at answering the biggest questions in life. To answer those questions we need to listen to the heart and to listen to the heart we need to quiet the mind, which is exactly what we do during meditation. But meditation is only part of the answer.

The mind also likes to ask denigrating, self-deprecating questions such as "Why am I so lazy/fat?" We would like to just yell back: "Well, just shut up!" But fighting against your mind is not the solution, either. You can't win an argument against your mind. The mind is like the reflections in a mirror, or a pond: the mind takes the form of its object. Remember, as you think, so you become.

The Bhagavad Giita says "Elevate yourself by yourself." We are the only ones responsible for our mental well-being. True, others can help. True, sometimes we are so far down the rabbit hole that external help is needed, even life-saving (literally). But most of the time we're not in that dire situation. Most of the time we can do something (a lot!) to improve the environment inside our head. And doing so improves our chances of not slipping to the point of needing urgent help.

I want to emphasize that there is nothing wrong with needing help and by all means call someone if and when you're feeling lonely, desperate or haunted by self-harming thoughts. But I also believe that we all feel much better when we are not in that place and most of us (all of us?), would rather extend the periods when we feel safe and well.

Meditating strengthens our ability to quiet the mind. But we can't spend our entire day meditating, so what are going to do? We use the muscle we exercise during meditation throughout the day. This muscle is the ability to quiet the mind, the ability to rule our own goddamn, sometimes wanton minds.

The habit we want to instill in ourselves is the habit of letting go of rumination, letting go of circular, incessant thinking, particularly when it makes us feel bad. We don't need to make our mind go blank, that's something for ninjas, Jedis and zen monks. Instead we can use a mantra. A mantra is a word or short phrase that redirects our minds. I use the Baba Nam Kevalam mantra.

Baba Nam Kevalam is a Sanskrit phrase that means "love is all there is," although that's an approximate translation. A more literal translation would be "only the name of the beloved." But if you speak more than one language you know that the literal translation is not necessarily the best. There is a lot that can be lost in translation. The point of this mantra, though, is that everything is an expression of the infinite love that suffuses the entire cosmos. The Baba Nam Kevalam mantra reminds us of this truth that we often forget or don't even know about it. As you think, so you become.

But you don't need to focus a ton on the mantra. Sometimes 80% of the work is done just by getting out of the loop of incessant thinking. The mantra can just be a thread that leads your mind to a more peaceful place. And don't self-flagellate if and when you don't get instant results. Sometimes it feels like crap no matter what you do and it's only afterwards (sometimes hours later) that you feel a release.

The important job for you is to commit long-term to keeping an eye on your mind and reducing the time it takes you to remember to leave the thinking loop and to take shelter in the Baba Nam Kevalam mantra. If you have another preferred mantra, that's great too.

This is a habit and as such it needs to be cultivated as often as possible. Use negative feelings as a cue. That way, you're transforming something awful (feeling like sh*t), into a portal to wellness.