Difficult times

Missing my friend(s)

I'm missing my friends. Badly required sounding board. Wise counsel. Shoulder to cry, sob, weep or whatever one needs to do. Drinking buddy, yes definitely...

There is none existing. And I'm reconciled to seeking shelter in anonymity of this blog post. Perhaps, I should've seen this coming. How could one expect a harvest, of one doesn't show and cultivate.

Making relationships work was never on my mind. That's probably why even the missus is upset with me. How close am I to death? That depends. On what? Maybe there would still be opportunity, to redeem myself.

What should I do, in this tight corner? Observe yourself, in a calm and detached manner. Peace and tranquility is all accepted. But what about the problems to be solved. Do I use up a good amount of the savings for the apartment? There is no going back on the decision.

I need a nudge, either way, to help me decide, on what needs to be done. I'm not able to decide either way, because of the possible consequences. No one can predict the future, but if I were to decide optimistically, things will work out.

Why am I dithering? Is it because it's going against Dad's "ideology"? Saddened by the fact that I'm still craving for his approval. Don't think it will ever happen.

Too many disappointed thoughts, emotions and jangled nerves. Not the best time to think of polishing the purpose, but the rawness of the pain is hurting. It's not fair, to corner me this way, by hurting me and forcing me to decide, one way or the other. I need help here.

Give it time and possibly an equitable middle ground solution will emerge. Need some Divine Intervention to clear up this mess.

This is a big moment. Capture all the tension you are observing, experiencing.
Am I too attached to the money in the bank?

How much time do you require to decide?
I'm hearing voices in my head, like dogs at my heels, baying for blood🤪 nothing so dramatic.

Are we ready to take the plunge? Somethings aren't going to change. How about a mind map? Will it help decide? Decision tree? How about a smoke? Will it relax/agitated my jangled mind? Numbing music?

All this is ok, but I need to arrive at a decision, quick. Thanks for reminding. How does it feel, to be under pressure?

Grace under pressure ?
How will a banker, think, operate under these circumstances?

Getting annoyed irritated at the most trivial of incidents.

Listening to Meghna Gulzar, was refreshing. She seemed down to earth, intelligent and did not come across as a stereo typical Bollywood b#tch.

What can you do, to control your temper. I feel bad, still feel the anger, coming from the better half. I'm sure all the shouting she's been doing, is also because of the tension, frustration and despair. Are we doomed to commit these mistakes. I'm not able to grow from outside of his shadow.