Feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas. What should I be doing in life. Be more explicit, involved, engaged blah blah blah. If I ever stop running behind stupid goals, what would I rather be doing instead. When my mind freezes, jams up or slows down, not knowing what to do next, I need to have a list of items of go to activities, which will ease things. Benefits of Instagram - catch trending music, meet wierd oddball characters, poetry, thoughts to ponder, add to this list. If I get time to im...

It was a trivial and casual comment by the missus, but it's hurting and she knows it too. But why are you still carrying the burning hot coals in your heart? Allowing it to burn your insides like acid eating away at your stomachs lining. Instead just pull away from the mental drama. Pull the plug, from the tape playing endlessly on loop. Bring on the dancing girls and some mindless entertainment. Why do I feel trapped and full of despair. Actually, it's reduced, but only a bit. The viscous ...

Stuck In Traffic By Choice I keep wondering why we have become so impatient in traffic. Waiting For Your Turn Can we not take turns and everyone gets to move at a more decent pace without needing to break the line. Outsiders Vs Insiders Why are there so many outsiders(non-localsl, where we live? Will it affect the culture of the place? So many places selling fish, meat etc, wasn't so earlier. Listening to podcasts Is it an addiction or a genuine knowledge feed for your mind? Wondering...

This is not a sermon but a friendly note to myself. There are a few aspects which I need to think about deeply. How do I motivate myself and others. What should I write about. One key takeaway was that the piece by Steph is that one has to have some new idea thrown in. This has to be my unique take perspective opinion commentary. Also the piece would evolve over time. It will take consistent effort and practice. Why nation state actors buying zero days is just an economic phenomenon? T...

How capable will one become, if there is a laid down path for gaining excelling, become masters at a given skill? Can I become better, by comparing myself, over the last every X hours. Think years would be a better metric. The reality inside one's head needs to reflect the newly created one. Overwriting all older versions of beliefs, mindset, language etc. Why am I feeling drowsy? Is it because of the heat or the food I ate easier? Could be both? How do we discard old habits and acquire n...

I've been asked to write. And I've accepted without much ado. Is there a better opportunity for me to preach to myself. What should I write about and what is the tone I need to keep. Contribution to open source. The need to simplify, vs complexity. Don't follow the trend, create your own. What is the new mantra? Do I have words of wisdom to share? Standing on the shoulders of giants If I hadn't had good mentors, I was nowhere in the picture. Find your own sources of truth. If I have lea...

Let's stop searching and go with what we have. I have the goods, the humorous and the greed to make it. Go for it. Yuck thu thu This is probably the worst way of opening the thought catalog. How can I send probes out into the world, which can collate data and aggregate them into a lumpy story. Can you do data in a delicious way. Are you able to masterfully craft new objects and launch them into mental orbits. Yay, a story strand here. I'm planning to launch my mind drones soon. They'll be c...

I don't see things changing too much, unless there's a storm internally. Are you merely going to ride it out, or see that it takes you further onto distant shores? Try to see things differently and not just through your tired eyes. There are too many things which can go wrong from here, but you have the blessings. Keep on moving forward till you can achieve the big level of adrenaline and dopamine flowing ahead. Try and drive your madness into all corners of your brain. Risk making the expo...

There was a monk who was challenged. The challenger's claim was-he could read anyone's mind. When he looked into the monk's eyes, he was startled to see nothing but reflecting the imagery outside. It was a serene Lake, with birds flying about. The takeaway for me, observe the reality around you, without getting stuck, sucked into it. ...

The nature of the beast is very simple and straight forward. You will need to slay a number of big and small dragons along the path of finding and saving the damsel from distress. Play it like a game. But one in which you can observe yourself going through the hoops and finding it all very amusing. But you are still playing to win. This again comes to the insight of the day, change your perspective, from external to internal to that of an alien observing the madness on the pale blue dot. But y...

I have a confession to make. Starting a structured walk through felt good, though it was hard. I could grasp most of it, except when the error popped up. Solving problems is the way to be learning. I got another mild slap today. My plans of laterally moving upwards, took a hit. It's not gonna fly. But why don't you prep. That's a key ingredient. You need to over prepare, even if the results aren't likely to be in your favour. Dig deeper into understanding what is happening here. Try and fix t...

Lessons in Anger Management With more scrutiny of one's inner goings on, all I see as an effective outcome, is a definite conclusion that we're I'll fated to repeat the past. How can I get better? Keep on moving forward is the constant refrain. A missing ingredient here. Persist, till you get some insight. But what is the path to follow. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable when wading through the project source code. What could these possibly be doing. Sharing personal anecdotes which ar...

Not the best way to start the day Today hasn't been the best of starts. I disliked the way I'm being summoned. And then questioned about my intentions. Why do people play games with each other. Can you become more empathetic towards yourself. If I were responsible for educating myself, how would I go about the business. At the end of the tunnel, I'd like to see something definite. Let me write down more about what I'd want to learn, and why and also how I can how to be mentally at peace, wit...

Looking for guidance Feeling lost and direction less. What is the way we can handle these women. On the lighter side, do we care how my career is grinding down to a halt. It's smooth sailing, but the wind doesn't blow favorably, any more. People who are parasites, and have gamed the system, are thriving. Not to complain, but it's just thatI've still not figured out, how to run with the system. What makes it tick and how does one find the right level of incompetency to rise to. What should b...

Trying to structure my life By pursuing the missing time in life, am I losing sight of the trees for the forest or was it the other way around? How can I find meaning, to anything what I'm seeking. The ability to write a story, to reflect the current mental situation is a good skill to have. I need some money and asked my pet about it. The way to experience clarity while doing art, is mainly a question or exclusion. ...

Feeling anxiety, stress When things aren't exactly aligned and life appears to be careening over a cliff, prayer seems to be the only recourse. What can I do better. How can I st. eady the ship? The roll of the dice can hplayingappen quickly, but we need to continue , even if it's a bad hand. The orange comes as a welcome. Some semblance of normalcy. Lord Almighty, he's in your hands, take care of our son, he's yours too, I know. How can we help him grow to be self reliant. I can pray ...

The bruised ego plods on. Takeaway for the day, listen more than you talk. What am I avoiding here? Pain, by not confronting the real reason for the unspoken fear, of rejection, negative response, whatever else. Can we adjust to the new normal? By not being on speaking terms, or just barely so. Are we expecting a mecca or paradise in the new role? That would be a bed of thorns. But I'll have a bigger say in how things are being managed. Why did someone behave in a way which is totally unex...

Missing my friend(s) I'm missing my friends. Badly required sounding board. Wise counsel. Shoulder to cry, sob, weep or whatever one needs to do. Drinking buddy, yes definitely... There is none existing. And I'm reconciled to seeking shelter in anonymity of this blog post. Perhaps, I should've seen this coming. How could one expect a harvest, of one doesn't show and cultivate. Making relationships work was never on my mind. That's probably why even the missus is upset with me. How close am...

Day2-100daywritingchallenge [Ideas to think about] -Doctor Couch: you can confide in moi Perceptions of reality: what you see, may not be the only reality out there, but could there be multiple versions -The Quest: seek This list below, I have no idea, what it was meant to be. -Exploit Failed --Bug bounty --Tool chain --Apprenticeship Startup ideas ...

Hello World Finding my voice, seeking to find direction. Somehow, I have internalised the idea, that the writing I'm doing, isn't good enough. Observing my emotions, is the first step, which I believe, will give me the scaffolding to get out of this trap. Why I feel trapped, is another story, for another post. Writing about the ~~my~~ emotions observed, during the day, is the second big step, I intend to take. In this journey, I expect to discover what are the obstacles and maybe also see ...