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I've been writing, journaling, daily 3-morning paging, 750wording in various platforms, and venting my spleen, gall bladder and what not. What have I got to show for it till now? a VERY BIG ZILCH ! How is it that I've not progressed at all, since all these days and months of writing? Yes, there have been a few fleeting moments of bliss and enlightenment. But those have also been mere flashes in the pan. So what am I doing wrong? Or what should I be doing differently? Should I seek out profess...

You must try your best, in recording what you have experienced at a deep level. It need not make any sense, to you nor others. The ability to capture, record and tag the fleeting moments are probably what life actually is. There may be no angels or orchestral effects in your head, but instead a dull throbbing noise. But that's life, as you see it, now, right here. Be yourself. Don't worry that others may not see any of this this. Or you may also not get the point of any of this. But who the he...

Focus and Driven Will you give the whole step of driving the rage of going back to a deal within the steep rise and fall of emotions. What is the best way to leverage and derive benefits from this way to give myself a better chance of finding new paths to explore and not get stuck with the same patterns of thinking. Is it a necessity to search systematically? What picture can you see, for matching your present condition? Is there a limit to what I'll not cross and find a better way to give ...

Strive for consistency If I have one metric or rule to consider what I need to be doing to improve my writing, is to be consistent. Try hard and harder. You must be able to engage your complete focus and attention when writing. Do it with the full thrust and engagement of your core. Like the frequent admonishing while exercising, engage all of your senses. By being fully engaged in the process, you will observe minor deviations and return back to the flow state. If you are able to deeply engag...

Begin, Middle, End template ideas Outline of the main arguments If I have an idea, can I present it from multiple ideas The main problem is the overall structure. If I have identified a problem, can I use this as a scratch-pad for thinking and explore the solutions in the real-world. What is the best way to teach ourselves basic life-lessons and how can we impart them (atleast a few key ones) to our children? I'm worried about how our son is wasting away. Ofcourse, it's early days, but we ar...

What are your plans for the weekend? Another question, that sucks and makes me feel like I'm wasting my life, doing nonsense which is meaningless and isn't going anywhere. Isn't it obvious that you're just sitting by the road-side and all the world and their uncles are moving on. You need to come up with a new mantra, or a raga, or a way to justify your existence. Is that the problem? That the world is moving and you're feeling stuck to the same place without really understanding what is goin...

blog post of an aimless traveller If you've wondered, how it feels to travel without a plan or a destination. An aimless wandering, but with a constraint of a reality tether, which will tug you back to your desk by Monday Morning. I have found an escape hatch, using which one can slip out of the grind of reality. Go to any place of your liking, for a limited amount of time. For now, the window is a few hours, but can't speculate if it's going to grow our go away. Why should we all do this...

Going on a random walk down an explored rabbit-hole How can I find and fix the chinks in my armour? THe ability to perform at short notice. To be able to say things which sound profound and wise, without actually seeming to be desperate and sweating to curry favours from the hoi-polloi. It is a test of who can stare at the enemy without blinking, for the longest period of time. She is very chaalu, without appearing to be so. (SS), is she a Brahmin, possibly not. She is rather protective of he...

It's day two or possibly three and I'm already wondering, what next? To write about? After honesty, the next theme I want to stay with is to connect within, specifically at three levels, breathe, body and mind. The reason I got bowled over today was the headache. I didn't know what to do next. Maybe you need to learn to accept pain and allow it to settle down and then see it move on, like an un-invited guest who has overstayed by a bit. Why are you performing for someone? Especially when y...

Random Observations and oblique thoughts Growth by pursuing a direction? Start the day by chanting a self-delusionary mantra. Storytime - scifi nostalgia Read Cyberpunk Story by Bruce Bethke. What were you takeaways ? Hacking ideas - need to go above mere shock and be in the realm of creative ingenuity. Deleting flights at a random time, for an entire year is a good decoy, to throw people off. Using services and sending the bill to some obscure legal firm... that sounds like fun Stealing mo...

Spoiler Alert: This one's sappy and full of self indulgent neurotic emotional laundry being washed in the open. What seems to have gone wrong with my life? If I look back to see what sticks out as memorable or a satisfying moment or achievement, it all looks like a lukewarm stale pizza. Have I really screwed up ? Or is it just that I'm going through a low? How can I objectively assess my life? Let's forget the past and just take the present and see if a more positive perspective can be framed...

Action Ahead, Watch out! If I need to change myself, improve, become better, rather than being wooly-headed, let me take this head-on. Just be honest with myself. That's it! Spoiler Alert Simple doesn't make it easy. But here's a tip, take it one step at a time. Always be experimenting. Conduct a thought expriement everyday. Create your own survey and fact-finding missions. Seek the truth and answers for all your queries and maybe you'll find something which clicks. One of the objectives of...

Remember this phase Feelings of sadness, frustration and being trapped by the desires of others. I don't know why I ever got into this situation. Is it just bad timing, the stars, my fate or just GFK. I don't know where I screwed up, but I've started feeling like a loser and I don't see any opportunity to correct the mistakes. My son's vision and his inability to learn, is another self-inflicted failure. What can I do other than rant and possibly pray. Yes, that I've missed and also medit...

Look Within I have one device to navigate the journey. The continuous output of words and different word patterns. As long as the output is continuously happening, we are on the path to making progress. Are there any other views and perspectives to gain a better angle and grip on life. Let's make the update visible and steady to make the ability to climb and make the most of the available runway from here. Do we want to keep up this charade of doing more of the stuff to deliver the right stuf...

29-10-2024 08:57:12.12 What do I actually want to write about? There are ideas, some fragments, which need to be consistently developed. There will be a definite point in time, when you can make the cut, as a professional, or atleast a serious amateur. So you need to take more snapshots. Focus on the depth of focus, framing the picture, colour composition, themes of development. Seriously build capability and ability to build, create and craft interesting ideas. Should I build more ships an...

Feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas. What should I be doing in life. Be more explicit, involved, engaged blah blah blah. If I ever stop running behind stupid goals, what would I rather be doing instead. When my mind freezes, jams up or slows down, not knowing what to do next, I need to have a list of items of go to activities, which will ease things. Benefits of Instagram - catch trending music, meet wierd oddball characters, poetry, thoughts to ponder, add to this list. If I get time to im...

It was a trivial and casual comment by the missus, but it's hurting and she knows it too. But why are you still carrying the burning hot coals in your heart? Allowing it to burn your insides like acid eating away at your stomachs lining. Instead just pull away from the mental drama. Pull the plug, from the tape playing endlessly on loop. Bring on the dancing girls and some mindless entertainment. Why do I feel trapped and full of despair. Actually, it's reduced, but only a bit. The viscous ...

Stuck In Traffic By Choice I keep wondering why we have become so impatient in traffic. Waiting For Your Turn Can we not take turns and everyone gets to move at a more decent pace without needing to break the line. Outsiders Vs Insiders Why are there so many outsiders(non-localsl, where we live? Will it affect the culture of the place? So many places selling fish, meat etc, wasn't so earlier. Listening to podcasts Is it an addiction or a genuine knowledge feed for your mind? Wondering...

This is not a sermon but a friendly note to myself. There are a few aspects which I need to think about deeply. How do I motivate myself and others. What should I write about. One key takeaway was that the piece by Steph is that one has to have some new idea thrown in. This has to be my unique take perspective opinion commentary. Also the piece would evolve over time. It will take consistent effort and practice. Why nation state actors buying zero days is just an economic phenomenon? T...

How capable will one become, if there is a laid down path for gaining excelling, become masters at a given skill? Can I become better, by comparing myself, over the last every X hours. Think years would be a better metric. The reality inside one's head needs to reflect the newly created one. Overwriting all older versions of beliefs, mindset, language etc. Why am I feeling drowsy? Is it because of the heat or the food I ate easier? Could be both? How do we discard old habits and acquire n...

I've been asked to write. And I've accepted without much ado. Is there a better opportunity for me to preach to myself. What should I write about and what is the tone I need to keep. Contribution to open source. The need to simplify, vs complexity. Don't follow the trend, create your own. What is the new mantra? Do I have words of wisdom to share? Standing on the shoulders of giants If I hadn't had good mentors, I was nowhere in the picture. Find your own sources of truth. If I have lea...

Let's stop searching and go with what we have. I have the goods, the humorous and the greed to make it. Go for it. Yuck thu thu This is probably the worst way of opening the thought catalog. How can I send probes out into the world, which can collate data and aggregate them into a lumpy story. Can you do data in a delicious way. Are you able to masterfully craft new objects and launch them into mental orbits. Yay, a story strand here. I'm planning to launch my mind drones soon. They'll be c...

I don't see things changing too much, unless there's a storm internally. Are you merely going to ride it out, or see that it takes you further onto distant shores? Try to see things differently and not just through your tired eyes. There are too many things which can go wrong from here, but you have the blessings. Keep on moving forward till you can achieve the big level of adrenaline and dopamine flowing ahead. Try and drive your madness into all corners of your brain. Risk making the expo...

There was a monk who was challenged. The challenger's claim was-he could read anyone's mind. When he looked into the monk's eyes, he was startled to see nothing but reflecting the imagery outside. It was a serene Lake, with birds flying about. The takeaway for me, observe the reality around you, without getting stuck, sucked into it. ...

The nature of the beast is very simple and straight forward. You will need to slay a number of big and small dragons along the path of finding and saving the damsel from distress. Play it like a game. But one in which you can observe yourself going through the hoops and finding it all very amusing. But you are still playing to win. This again comes to the insight of the day, change your perspective, from external to internal to that of an alien observing the madness on the pale blue dot. But y...

I have a confession to make. Starting a structured walk through felt good, though it was hard. I could grasp most of it, except when the error popped up. Solving problems is the way to be learning. I got another mild slap today. My plans of laterally moving upwards, took a hit. It's not gonna fly. But why don't you prep. That's a key ingredient. You need to over prepare, even if the results aren't likely to be in your favour. Dig deeper into understanding what is happening here. Try and fix t...

Lessons in Anger Management With more scrutiny of one's inner goings on, all I see as an effective outcome, is a definite conclusion that we're I'll fated to repeat the past. How can I get better? Keep on moving forward is the constant refrain. A missing ingredient here. Persist, till you get some insight. But what is the path to follow. Get comfortable with being uncomfortable when wading through the project source code. What could these possibly be doing. Sharing personal anecdotes which ar...

Not the best way to start the day Today hasn't been the best of starts. I disliked the way I'm being summoned. And then questioned about my intentions. Why do people play games with each other. Can you become more empathetic towards yourself. If I were responsible for educating myself, how would I go about the business. At the end of the tunnel, I'd like to see something definite. Let me write down more about what I'd want to learn, and why and also how I can how to be mentally at peace, wit...

Looking for guidance Feeling lost and direction less. What is the way we can handle these women. On the lighter side, do we care how my career is grinding down to a halt. It's smooth sailing, but the wind doesn't blow favorably, any more. People who are parasites, and have gamed the system, are thriving. Not to complain, but it's just thatI've still not figured out, how to run with the system. What makes it tick and how does one find the right level of incompetency to rise to. What should b...

Trying to structure my life By pursuing the missing time in life, am I losing sight of the trees for the forest or was it the other way around? How can I find meaning, to anything what I'm seeking. The ability to write a story, to reflect the current mental situation is a good skill to have. I need some money and asked my pet about it. The way to experience clarity while doing art, is mainly a question or exclusion. ...