Voice Note 2025-06-22 05:27 PM

Trying to cure myself

00:02
Trying to do? Speaking to myself and. Hopefully. One thing that this too much noise when I? Train and speak on the road. Maybe the voices captured fully? Let me try when I'm alone and. Maybe this would be? A better way of. Renting my emotions. I'm feeling. When I'm the right phrase, is that I am observing anger?

00:44
And experiencing dark clouds. And. Yeah, exactly. Is this happening? Yeah, the tapes keep playing in my head, so that's a giveaway. If you are hearing voices, if you're hearing your own voice? Telling you things which? You should stop hearing. And the feeling of tightness in the belly. That is another giveaway.

01:15
So these are the two things which I have noticed, but it's still not very granular. I would say my observations need to be more precise more. Well-Defined. I should be able to quantify and. In terms of? Degrees of temperature or? Millimeters of kilograms. I should be able to label the emotion with.

01:47
Precise Dimensions and colors and shapes and edges and textures. Which will make it more. Palatable, which will make it more real. And. Probably. Eventually end up slaying these diamonds. So? What should I be doing when? I'm overcome by these dark clouds. Speak out and! Okay, that's another pain point.

02:22
Literally, the pain has come back again. I don't know what's triggering it up, causing it. And I don't want to be discussing it.

02:38
And it's not. Great topic to be! Discussing at all so? Let me. Yearning so much, is it because of? The lack of oxygen? And that seems to be also a. And. Some strange. There's very little choice in terms of. What is available to consume? And you know, I'm what aspect I'm speaking?

03:19
Yeah, let me go around in circles. And Mark. Talk about anything directly. Um, closing my eyes seems to make it more. Personnel, or is it impossible? There is another yarn. Yeah, maybe the oxygen levels? Depleted early. And your body is forcing you to take in more air. Yeah, that could be it.

03:52
So, what should I be doing, which? Is? Really? Making sense. I need to step back and. See what is going on? And. Piano a little bit and? Explore the world and see things. From a new perspective. And maybe you can? Even take random snapshots. I really don't know what is going on.

04:33
Why I'm feeling this way? It definitely is a problem. And. I need. Stop doing this to myself. I need to. Give it a break. And. Maybe I can heal myself? Yes, our art is a good way, but? Haven't found the medium of? Expression. So, I'm struggling. And maybe the voice notes is still a good idea.

05:16
So? All I need to do is keep talking to myself and. Hopefully use this. To extract. Some meaningful poetry. Can that happen? Will that really make any sense? See nobody's going to read any any of this crap. So? I need to come up with something.

05:46
Beyond again. I need to come up with something really big. And monstrous. Make myself. Out invisibly to the public. But. See this one basic, I should say, not a problem. Is a basic fundamental issue here. Is that, what do you bring to the table? Do you have any? Perspective, which is Meaningful.

06:22
Tangible. You're putting it some thought. Or just keep blabbering and. Hoping. Something. Precious will come out of it. Is not going to work like that. It's not going to be some random shit, which happens. You need to craft the essay. Let you remember. You need to painstakingly put together the words and the ideas.

06:53
And the logic. And the entire paraphernalia. So unless that happens. None of this is going to. Really happened.


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