Voice Note 2025-06-17 09:19 AM

Need help

00:00
Can I do this? Is it possible? How can you? Make excuses like this. Now, today I. Got a shock? When I saw the appointment. Yes, there is a problem. And I need to admit it. Uh, there are two problems one. Ever since the? Clean rebuild have been assigned to me.

00:28
I've been struggling. And it takes me more time than what I should ideally be doing it in. But uh, I need help. I need some assistance. And. A couple of sessions probably should help. Uh, but I've also had some. Medical issues at home, which. Not excuses, but yes, they have been.

00:57
Affecting the stock of. Playoffs, the stock. Being fired, and so on. Uh, nothing explicit but just willed hints and my performance review media performance review. Uh, didn't go all that. Well, whatever little bit of interaction we have with. The manager. Which is? Very much lacking. So, what I plan to do is?

01:28
Um, do a bit of, you know, overloading my second half and cut down on the? Uh, in office time. Otherwise, I won't be able to. Hack it? Um, that's what I have in mind. Uh, but I'm glad you brought it up. That, uh, yes, I'll be honest. But it's the first time in.

01:55
The two years where I am feeling emotionally upset. Uh, I'm feeling. I am feeling distraught. And a whole lot of other negative emotions seem to have been. Coming up, which? I didn't know how to deal with. So it will take a couple of days off. Plan to take another weekend off.

02:25
And. I know, I've been falling behind being back, but that's the way things are, I guess. Not much I can do about it. So? That's the way it is. Yeah, it can't be anything else. She definitely must be looking at my cards and seeing how little they are moving.

02:48
So, this is the only way, I guess. For me to move the needle. Make things happen. And. With that being said, there's probably. A chance that? It may be taken against me. Probably that fingers will be pointed. Uh, so I really don't know. Things are going to work out.

03:21
Uh, it's just that. Another way things are going on. I really don't feel very. Confident about. Uh, going in any positive direction. What I I've also seen is that? Uh, see, I'd asked for a change of role. A bit more responsibility. But I'm struggling here. So, I really don't know how this needs to be conveyed.

03:58
And put across to the leadership. I really don't know. Walk-Ins needs to be done. So, please help me. That's all I have to say. So? Things aren't an order. Things aren't in shape, but. What? Thought I'll be doing is. Uh, yes, I am aware of my shortcomings. But, uh, it seems to be going down, uh, sliding slope.

04:36
So, I really don't know. What needs to be done because? Whatever I am doing is going down the drain. All efforts. Moving to the future? Business and? None of it is. Giving me any Joy or traction. So, I guess this is that kind of phase where everybody goes through?

05:08
And. Whatever you do. You will find that it's not going in a direction which you would have wanted it to. So will that? Make it any better if you see. Your teammates are also struggling. With their own problems. Uh, the the biggest difference I see is that? It's not happening in the professional domain.

05:40
So, things are aren't very. Obvious. Things aren't. That glaring? Minar, okay, and? I, I have dug my own pit and I have. Created a situation where? My entire. Credibility. Is a question. So, is there any way I can overcome that? I really don't know. With all these noises in the background.

06:15
Would there be any point in recording? Would there be any point? Talking about? You need to make things better. And how you need to? Put things in a better perspective. Just because? You got an email? Through some random manager, saying that you're doing a good job. Doesn't really. Much effort.

06:47
Yes, I can do more effort. Definitely! I want. But. This is some. Not going in a direction. Which I like. I am not convinced that it's the best option, but I really don't see. A Way Forward. Should I engage with ashish and ask him for his advice? Ask him for.

07:15
Some kind of clarity. Managed to handle it. Would that help? I really don't know whether that would make any difference. In the current scenario. Because everything else, what I'm doing. Is? Going down the train? Everything else, so. This also is going exactly in the same direction. So? Uh, don't beat yourself about it.

07:54
But yes. I have a couple of days of treaty Oakland at the end of the week. Over the long weekend, and I hope to come back. Fully refreshed and changed. Possibly for the better. But I really don't know. How this is going through. Engage myself. Okay, so. All these messages are fine, but I don't know whether.

08:34
This is, uh, going in the right direction at all. I really don't know. And I don't see myself having any other options. Uh, I only see. Failed possibilities. And I don't see anybody helping reaching out to hell. Yeah, but this is a sign, so you must at some point, except that.

09:03
You're grown up. Now, don't expect somebody would come down, hold your hand, and. Help you climb the stairs on whatever obstacle you have. So, you need to figure out how to handle these things they need to come out of it. So, that's, uh, something new. As a mature adult, you should be doing.

09:26
But. I've, uh, I'll be honest that I've been struggling and I have had difficulty in. Admitting that I am struggling? So? And that's taken. Physically and mentally. So, yes, let's. Let's be honest about it that. That's the way things are that you've got emotional about it and. Yes, you can try all about it, but that's not going to solve any problem that's only going to make matters.

10:09
Possibly. Uh, but possibly you, you don't know what direction it could take unless? You really? How things figured out? Which you don't seem to have. I also got bought myself. Together completely. There still are gaps. In my understanding and in my head. And in. As to what I need to do next, so there are a few.

10:47
Possible considerations. Uh, one of them being. Ready quick? Take a break and come back. Say, six months time. But that's not really going to help. You know, help you earn the money you require. Okay, there is a 50 lakhs, uh, coming in the end of July, uh, sorry. In the end of Jan, but uh, that's a long way off.

11:19
So, what are you going to do till then? I need. Uh, I, I am sure that there are no definite answers, but? There are problems there. And I need. I need some help. Definitely! Uh, maybe not professionally. Yeah, I. Have been doing some introspection. And yeah, that's the way I see it.

11:52
Uh, do you think she's going to be? Yeah, that's okay, I deserve it. I, I think I should have been honest enough and man enough to step up and? Own up that I have not been doing well that I am struggling. I didn't do that. I could have asked for some more help.

12:17
But I was. Not very. Uh, I'm able to. I was not in a situation where a French like asking for help. Even though I needed it. Okay, so it's not a ideal situation. I know that. But I'll be honest that, yes, there is a problem. And. I need help.

12:45
Yeah. So I've, I think I've identified what the issues are. Uh, it's not very complicated. It's just that I need some help with the clean rebuild. And I need some time to get up to speed, which probably isn't there. But let me be honest that that is the way things are.

13:07
And if you wish to let go of me, then so be it. That's, uh, you know, like preempting the decision, which is bound to happen and? Maybe those decisions are good in the long term. Maybe that should happen. To get a kick in the ass. And. Wake up! That would probably do.

13:38
Much more good than all the counseling. And blah, blah, blah, which you have been hearing and you have been telling yourself. They have been doing a lot of. Writing and Analysis. Kind of observing myself. But none of it has led to any significant Improvement. So, uh, that's the strange part.

14:04
I still haven't. Being honest and upfront about the issues I have. So, let me. Put the whole thing. Whatever mental chatter is there and? And more appropriate manner. Or there's too much traffic. So let me sign off for now.