Jay's Journal

@jaym

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#100Days, Day 18

Let's see... last night I stayed up and slept in big time. Got up around 10:30am. That's living the good life in my book.

I need to keep a notepad by my bedside because everytime I wake up, I've got ideas in my head that I want to explore. But, by the time I sit down to write, the ideas have escaped me. So, yeah, I need to either write down, or better yet, use Standard Notes on my mobile phone and capture my thoughts as soon as I wake up.

Today was great because even though I slept in late, the wife wanted to look at furniture. I needed to pick up some packages at our UPS store anyway, so we decided to make an outing of it. Run errands, look at furniture, then head over to a nice restaurant for an early dinner.

While we were out and about, I did notice something. I noticed that while I was driving, I'd normally be cussing and yelling at every little driving infraction I'd see other drivers making. Not today. I mean, yeah, sure, I'd say something, but not nearly as often, and not nearly as loud.

It was more like calm observation, and remembering that thre's nothing that I myself can do about what other people do and don't do. But, then I noticed something else. I noticed my wife being very impatient with traffic, and other people's driving. She was way more vocal than I was today.

I just enjoyed being with her, the fact that we got out and about today, and that I didn't need to be in a hurry for anything. So, the surprising thing for me was that I was calm, relaxed, and accepting of the other people on the road.

There was a weight lifted off me as a result as well. If I don't spend all that time and energy calling out everything and everyone I see, I felt less anxious and stressed. When I step back and really think about it, I was also less judgmental of others, and that seems to be a freeing experience as well.

It's as if I'm no longer the monitor of everything that everybody does. I just cared about me, my wife, and the moment we were in at any given time of the day today. Therefore, I really enjoyed my day more than I probably would have before challenging myself to take a different view of "expectations" and working on controlling my responses and reactions to things I can't control, and instead working on better controlling the things I can control, like me, my mind, my mood, and my gratitude.

Just took my time, soaked it all in, enjoyed the quality time with my wife, and for the first time in a very long time, I was able to focus on us, and not everyone else. Today, it was just the two of us in my world, and frankly, no one else really existed.

Here's to growth and progress!


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