July 18, 2019•643 words
It was bound to happen, right? I mean, you're putting along in your own space, not bothering anybody, and then something in the universe has to throw a pile of shit your way. I'm feeling that way with work right now.
I've made a very conscious attempt to not let things at work bother me, this way I can have less stress while embracing a Stoic philosophy. Now, in that conscious effort, I've been choking down a fair amount of shit. But, trying the let it roll off, making that effort to not let things bother me.
Work at 9pm at night because our Asia offices can't meet any sooner? No problem, hey, life is good, and I love my job! Attend early morning meetings because our Europe offices can't meet any later? It's all good! I'm just going with the flow and not worrying about the little stuff. Work at midnight on a Friday or Saturday night? Oh, please, that's just a minor inconvenience to someone who values his free time more than money, no prob, Bob!
But with all that, it's just never enough, is it? Now I've got to do another department's work because they refuse to do it. Meaning that as I'm already up nights and early mornings working, giving up weekends, I now also need to do other people's work in a whole other department because they don't feel like it.
The universe wants more, people want it all, and they'll keep taking more and more. Taking and taking, until there's nothing left to give. Then what? Burnout. Hospitalization. Maybe even something worse? And what happens after that?
People will shrug and go about their day, taking and taking from the next sap. Rinse and repeat. Is that all there is? Really?
Because from where I'm sitting, everything continues to want more from me, and it doesn't seem to want to stop. And, the less I try to resist as a means to lower stress, the more I'm expected to give. Don't get me wrong, I know everyone should be able to say "no". But with "no" comes pushback, and more assertion to counter the "no", then arguing, and someone of higher rank saying "just do the thing", creating more animosity.
So, if people and the universe aren't busy sucking everything dry, there's conflict.
During my strides toward minimalism and Stoic mindsets, I've been trying to find balance. I thought it was achievable, and I'm sure it still is. Well, not totally sure, but hopeful, I guess. It just seems that there's no middle ground with life in general. It's all give give give, while they take, take, take, and the minute you dare say "enough already!", you're punished in some way.
I'm hoping this is just a setback, maybe even a minor relapse, so I'll continue to review the teachings of the Stoics and see how I might be able to pull out of this tailspin. I don't want to undo all the progress I've made. I really don't. I really enjoy the peace and contentment that comes with staying in my lane, and expecting others to stay in theirs. Why is that so hard, or too much to even ask?
In any case, perhaps this is yet another kick in the ass to make my way toward something different. I guess just being good with trying to lounge after work and on weekends to spend time with my lady isn't going to work anymore. Now I've got to study and do the work to effect that change. The universe and the never-satisfied hordes of people out there have seen to that. Thanks world, for harshing my mellow.
I sure hope there are others that can relate to this and that I'm truly not alone in feeling these things. Hopefully a better day tomorrow.
/end of rant