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levin

This is my personal journal, but cast into the void of the internet like the scribbles on the cave wall. I need to let the thoughts escape here. Use caution if you are disturbed by heavy topics such as existence, suicide, or sexual assault. I am disturbed by them; that is why they are here.

Wednesday, Dec 4, 2024 at 8:53 PM

My entire life is proof that money doesn’t buy happiness ...
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Failure

I rarely, if ever, use the word “failure” as it implies a finite ending point. Life is a continuum where a “miss” better defines what happens when a goal is not met and there is a need to pivot strategy or target. A “miss” allows that forward progress has still been made (in life and or toward the goal) and the pivot point is a part of the process. The greatest metric is whether one has done their best. ...
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midnight in the north

Near a flame burgeoning, moonlight floats on the forest lake; Young lovers and racing hearts intertwining. Time will come to bury the romance, innocence, and dreams— cherished memories immune ...
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Saturday, Oct 26, 2024 at 9:04 PM

The eternal rest, a never-ending darkness, I found peace at last ...
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Monday, Oct 14, 2024 at 6:46 PM

I saw the stars last night and realized the reality of my situation on earth is so small in comparison to the universe. If we are all alone, what created us? I have really had such a surreal experience today, and I can’t put my finger on it, but the radio sounds different, life feels different— grounded. Life is coming back again; I am here to receive it. ...
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Poet

The stroke of my brush leaves my soul on this canvas The picture I paint so you can share my love and pain, a medium to set me free ...
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Angels

There was a time I lived amongst angels, and I had my very own, our love was eternal, and such happiness I had never known, But now I find myself in the loneliest place, in the earthly solitude I drown ...
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Wednesday, Oct 9, 2024 at 1:00 PM

I always found it very difficult to strive for perfection in the eyes of god and to act in alignment with the Bible. Today, I realize that is because the Bible is the word and opinion of man and is full of contradictions; It cannot be matched perfectly because it doesn’t even match itself. I have relief believing I have nothing to strive for except for peace with my fellow human. ...
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Wednesday, Oct 9, 2024 at 7:07 AM

Many of these people I am surrounded by have the intellectual capacity for critical thinking and theory, but have a laziness that makes them inclined to squash any level of challenging thought. They seem to be like animals in the sense they cannot comprehend the idea of sacrificing short term pleasure in pursuit of a long term goal. Americans have become complacent and lazy in the sense that things that require sacrifice of pleasure are taboo. The “Why not just be happy where you are at?” ...
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A new life

Upon my return, I am greeted by the familiar odors of the worldly city, I emerge from the station, and catch my first glimpse unburdened by that of my past which held me from it, in my heart, I feel confidence and relief, and suddenly the move is done I will just need to arrange my things. ...
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the act

The act is over The curtains have closed, and the actor has departed ...
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The old companion

It’s been a long while, we haven’t seen each other in years, I thought it was for the better, you’re why I lost that lover, you almost took my life, but things have gotten harder, and I found myself alone, I thought of coming to see you ...
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the dream

She crawls in behind and throws her arms around me I roll over to kiss her and place my head on her chest a day is done and we are together time ceases to exist and the mind falls silent We endure everything together, nothing can knock us down quite the same, the troubles of life are outside of us There is a home for love to reside in, the family built from it, and the opportunity to experience it ...
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the passion of her

Her mind and spirit radiate the strength of a blazing sun, they reside under her fine waves of night-colored hair, behind a face and smile so gentle and stunning it can melt one’s core, resting on a body perfectly elongated, I lost myself in the passion of her ...
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My two stars

Two stars illuminate the darkness, I hover between them, scorched by their fire, I can’t escape their pull They consume life around them, mine included, but their beauty is of the heavens ...
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Physical love

I see her and my chest flutters, it feels like I physically fall forward into love A flush of warmth overcomes me ...
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Friday, Sep 27, 2024 at 7:20 AM

Why is complacency a core western value? It seems taboo to most everyone around me to strive for more in life because what we have is good enough. At least in some eastern cultures, it is societally acceptable to want a better life (love, income, standing, outcomes, etc), but where I am, it appears to be unique and a source of contention. ...
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A new person

The person I was then is dead Pain has forged a new one Time will say if the change is good, but life only goes in one direction ...
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the caller

A few people call, but I just can’t take it The few I want aren’t going to make it ...
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From me to you

A break in the action here. If you read my posts, thank you. I am not all sadness. There is pleasure and blessing in each day too. ...
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alone in a crowd

I never hurt anyone I’ve always tried to do right So many people like me But I am alone in a crowd I can’t believe life has turned out this way I never saw it coming Now I can’t see any light of a brighter day ...
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Monday, Sep 23, 2024 at 8:06 AM

I can’t believe you have done this to me I would have never hurt you this way I really thought you’d be different I’m left trying to pickup the pieces of my life ...
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Monday, Sep 23, 2024 at 5:17 PM

I was sure I was going to be married once, I had found the one forever Until she came out and gone ...
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A devastating blow

A just let me know that she needs our friendship to end indefinitely. The three closest friends I’ve ever had gone in the span of 18 months A devastating blow to an already fragile position Ever more evidence that life is painful and less reason to go on Where do I go from here, completely alone Even my parents can’t accept me This was the one relationship I was really holding on to. Perhaps that’s why it was bound to go this way. Do I drink? No I don’t want to ruin everything else I ...
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The chance nature of love

I cannot force love I can command fitness, knowledge, and wealth But I cannot control what I desire most The power of love, which can provide a different plane of existence, is also the source of its beauty, and such power directly contradicts controllability It is inherently a mystery in the same way a god is ...
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Career as meaning

Career certainly should be a positive thing to embrace and lean on. Work is a requirement to provide our needs, the recipient of a great portion of our time, and has the potential to give us great satisfaction from learning, accomplishment, social interaction, and other things. Life is not empty just because vocation is the only thing someone may have. ...
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Friday, Sep 20, 2024 at 11:06 AM

Mother, please stop telling me I can’t suffer Telling me I can’t be sad There is too much in life that isn’t well I cannot thank your god for the things on my mind ...
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Monday, Sep 16, 2024 at 7:19 PM

I love her I wish she felt the same Maybe she does I believe she’s doing her best But this will not work for me It just hurts too much ...
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Friday, Sep 20, 2024 at 9:39 AM

The sun is rising I feel beauty and love again I want things to be different But I will survive ...
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Creation

It is very interesting that so many things have the same bones. I see the spine of the chicken I cook, and it has a texture I imagine is strikingly similar to the human. What do I believe makes sense for creation? How did Herman the cat, the chicken, and myself all end up with similar bone structure and anatomical functions but so different in everything else? Where did this all come from in the beginning? ...
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